Valentine's Day: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

My thoughts haven't changed about VD {or Valentine's Day, either...}, and I still highly recommend my advice to y'all from last year: Fuck Dr. Phil, this is worth a minute of your time for sure.

The Good
Perhaps my favorite band these days, Slightly Stoopid {if you liked Sublime: Sublime begat Long Beach Dub All Stars; LBAS begat Slightly Stoopid}, are opening their spring tour right here in SF. Tonight. Even better, a Santa Cruz stoner band still on the verge of blowin' up, The Expendables, are opening. They are great, and even more a propos, they have the most romantic stoner song of all time, "Bowl For Two". What better way to escape the bullshit of Valentine's Day than go see two awesome stoner bands in concert?

The Bad
Not only do I have Spanish class tonight, pero tengo un examen gigante esta noche. So no concert for me. Oh well, I'll see them again next time. Fuck.

The Ugly
My goofy ass. But I just remind myself that's just a testament to how much game I have ;)

I'll leave you with the only cool thing about Valentine's Day: Andre 3000's funky-ass, cupid impersonating take on it:



And remember, if you love someone, then fuck Valentine's Day- you should be doing random thoughtful sweet shit for them on May 12th, August 3rd, October 27th, and various other random and frequent times throughout the year, not on the 1 day that society reminds lazy men to do so, and Valentine's Day should be banished to its proper place: irrelevance.

Girl Power, Motherfuckers!

Holy shit, she did it.


Rags To Riches beats Curlin to the wire

Rags To Riches held of Curlin the freak in an amazing stretch duel to become the first filly in 102 years to win The Belmont Stakes. What an amazing race, with a stretch run reminiscent of the famous Affirmed/Alydar race of 1978. Also note that Rags To Riches is the half-sister of last year's Belmont winner Jazil {and they both ran 2:28 4/5}. I think the breeding fee for their mama, Better Than Honour, just went up a whole bunch.


The 139th Belmont Stakes

Talk about determination. Curlin got head to head with Rags To Riches at the top of the stretch, and the whole way you expected the bigger, stronger male horse to pull away and win. But Rags To Riches kept digging and never really relinquished the lead, winning by a nose in the end, and although Curlin was bigger and perhaps stronger, Rags To Riches was 5 pounds lighter and used her quickness to get it done. Tiago got up for third.

Other initial thoughts:

- Initial fractions of :24, :50, and 1:15? I don't think I have ever seen fractions that slow in any race. The were damn near walking, with the first 6 bunched up and bomber Imawildandcrazyguy way back. When you saw :50 and 1:15, you knew that the closer had absolutely no shot at all.

- Just like Curlin in The Preakness, Rags To Riches seriously stumbled out of the gate and still recovered to win.

- Between this year's Derby, Preakness, and today's Belmont, I cannot ever remember a more exciting set of Triple Crown races when considered as a whole. Wait, I can after all: 1997, when Silver Charm won an incredibly exciting Derby, win an even better Preakness, and then lost the Triple Crown in The Belmont by just half a heartbreaking length . That year will always be special since it was my first Derby, and I had the winner. Before that you probably have to go all the way back to the amazing 1978 Affirmed/Alydar duel, when they went head to head in all three races and Affirmed barely edged out Alydar in all three to win the Triple Crown, which has not been won since.

- Todd Pletcher, 0 for 28 in Triple Crown races, finally wins one with a filly. Wild.

- While NBC mostly sticks to sappy human interest stories in their horse racing coverage, ABC/ESPN's content tends to be much, much better. The back to back segments today on Robby Albarado coming back from multiple fractured skulls and a fractured pelvis, followed by a piece on how being a jockey is so dangerous and yet they always come back, were AWESOME. I sure hope someone throws them up on YouTube, they make a wonderful video companion piece to my assertion that Jockeys are the most badass of all athletes in the world.

- As I hinted at last week and Solon pointed out in the comments, ABC execs pretty much all creamed their pants when Rags To Riches won: what a fairytale lead in for their Ruffian movie that they aired immediately after the Belmont broadcast.

- So it turned out to be a beautiful thing that I couldn't get my bets down.

So congrats to all the connections to having the courage to try, and to the horse for an incredibly gritty, gutty performance to beat the bigger and stronger boys.

Every Straight Alpha Male's Dream

Yup. A chick that not only likes sports but is also knowledgeable about them. Even better would be 8 such ladies together, right?

Well, thanks to the magical world of EDSBS Radio, I have come to know that such an octet does in fact exist in the form of Ladies dot dot dot. Launched back in February, they pretty much said it all with their opening salvo into the blogosphere:

Sport in America has been the province of men for generations.There’s no shortage of strong, capable women bucking that trend, however, so we’re out to conquer a side market: leering.

Yes, we’re playing the field (literally), and we don’t kiss nice. We are the Ladies…with one eye on the scoreboard, and the other on your sweet ass.

So if you are an alpha male, then there you go. But the beauty of their site is that it is first and foremost for the ladies. Remember last summer during the World Cup when I offered up to the ladies out there some equal opportunity tittilation in the form of soccer manbeef? Well, they do that with all sports: every damn day (or, if you know Southerplayalisticadillacmuzik: "all day, e'er day {bwwooonnng}"). So like the movie Braveheart, the Ladies can be enjoyed equally whether you reside on Mars or Venus.

I don't know a whole hell of a lot about them, but I can tell you that:

-Texas Gal, aka Miss Texy, can most likely drink your ass under the table with straight bourbon.

-Holly, a Tennessee fan, is fast and loose with the f bomb and other fun obscenities, which certainly appreciated by the human f bomb machine that is Kanu.

-Their readership's grip on reality if firm, for they had no problem figuring out what I have known for many years: that I am not hott.

So enjoy the Ladies, and add them to your daily rotation. I'm sure you will be entertained. Oh, and the super secret password to their inner sanctum is bacon pants.

Further Reading:

Cute Sports: run by a very nice girl named Nicole who was a friend of the program last summer when she blogged the World Cup. Nowadays she writes about most things Cheese Head related.

Girls Gone Tailgaiting: self explanatory, and always approved by college football fans from sea to shining sea.

EDSBS Radio Raises The Bar, And The Best Music To Have Sex To

I was stuck at work today until 7 p.m., so it was especially nice to have 90 minutes of late afternoon EDSBS Live Radio to pass the time. Tonight was their best ever show to date, with a great interview with outstanding Southern football writer/ESPN contributor Tony Barnhart, EDSBS Radio legend Ragin' Cajun Rebel showing his versatility and not only entertaining us with his great comedy but dropping mad knowledge as well, 1001 fucking f-bombs, and several other great calls all capped off by special guest Ma Swindle, who absolutely knocked it out of the park and showed that she is as clever, witty, and overall kick-ass as her progeny Orson. You can listen to the rebroadcast here until showtime next Tuesday when it will be overwritten.

I didn't make it on this week, which is probably directly related to the fact that the show was so good. But I had some good answers and was especially looking forward to discussing question #4 with Messrs. Bean & Swindle. It wasn't to be, so here are my answers to this week's Four Questions:

1. Which sportswriter gets under your skin the most?

Does HP count as a "sportswriter"?

Hard to say, because if I think a writer sucks then I tend not to read his columns. So many to choose from here - Mandel, Peter King, but I am going to go with a group answer of anyone who appears on ESPNs The Sports Reporters, especially Mike Lupica. A bunch of marginally clueless, self-righteous, egotistical windbags.

2. Tell us a sportswriter you like who others seem to underrate and/or unfairly bash?

Wow. For Arsenal it would be Amy Lawrence, for Horse Racing it would definitely be Steve Haskin of The Bloodhorse- 100 times better than anyone over at more popular Daily Racing Form, but for college athletics I am going to go the UGA & underrated routes and select Dan Magill, the Bill Brasky of Georgia Athletics and a literal living legend, who writes a column for the Athens Banner Herald at the ripe old age of 86. This man is a living, breathing, history of UGA athletics, and it is always fascinating to hear what he has to say or listen like a kid to one of your grandpa's great stories when he spins yarns from decades past.

3. You get to pick one writer who doesn’t currently cover sports to become a sports writer.

Shit- I thought of 3 and couldn't really narrow it down. In no particular order, because I would love to hear what they had to say on the world of sports: Kurt Vonnegut, because I recently read Cat's Cradle and dude's mind is just in a whole different universe than the rest of us. I'm guessing that the dude who came up with fucking Ice-Nine would have a rather "outside the box" idea as to how to determine a champion in division 1 college football. Hunter S. Thompson, especially after reading his wonderful essay on The Kentucky Derby. And finally, Bill Bryson, because he is intelligent, informative, and funny as hell, and every time I start reading anything of his I cannot put it down until 3 a.m. for a few nights in a row, and then it is finished and I am left to wait longingly for the next book to come out.

4. Because our show is so dependent on juvenile humor, the obligatory sex question: What’s your lovin’ song?

First off, a note to Orson- Untitled by D'Angelo cannot hold a candle to anything on the entire Brown Sugar album as far a music to make sweet, sweet love to. Just sayin'.

Lots of good answers tonight, but I'm a little suprised that no one came with the most obvious of all: Lee Corso Slo Jam by one Orson Swindle, which by the way is in my iPod. What is sexier than Swindle playing the part of Lee Corso and spitting mad sexy game by crooning to his prospective lover "I'm gonna run a freaky option like you've never seen, between passion and ecstasy" and "you know John Clayton ain't gonna freak you like this girl". Hell, it won the award for best audio/podcast post of 2006. I mean shit, man, this is a no brainer.


"The only thing better than making love with one Lee Corso,
would be making love with two Lee Corso's,
which is theoretically impossible.
But wouldn't it be so freaky baby if you could?"

Now then...

Any self respecting man really shouldn't limit himself to one song, because then you are talking about 3-5 minutes, and that just isn't cutting it- am I right ladies? Of course. Even if you go with some wacky ass 10 minute Massive Attack song then you are still at 10 minutes, which still won't be getting you any rave reviews in any knitting gossip circles. So I think it would be best to talk in terms of best album rather than best song, but I'll go ahead and cover all the bases here.

The sexiest song that I am aware of is an obscure Miles Davis tune titled Generique, which can be found on the Ken Burns Jazz: Miles Davis album{listen to sample here}. Even if you don't agree with me, you pretty much have to concede that the first 5 seconds of this song is the sexiest opening 5 seconds of any song in the history of man. Again, peep out the sample. The slow sultry background beat and trumpet that is literally dripping with sex is guaranteed to turn her panties into Waterworld tout suite, or double your money back. The trick with this song is that it checks in at 2 min 43 seconds, so {hopefully} the repeat function is in order. Either way, get your hands on it and you are likely to get your hands on it.

So now that we've established that we need an album, the question is which one? I used to think that the aforementioned Brown Sugar by D'Angelo was about as good as it gets, but in the last few years I have found something that kills it and every other album known to me {hat tip to Chris Smith}. It's called Cafe Del Mar Vol. 5: it's a compilation of acid jazz/trip hop/downtempo/whateverthehell you care to call this kind of music, and it is without peer. Buy it, steal it, download it, copy it, get your grubby hands on it today. I especially like how the first tune has a long intro which is perfect for when things are just starting out and teasing kissing and foreplay are in order. Shit, just stop thinking and incorporate it into your arsenal tout suite.


Stop asking questions, stop talking, stop thinking: Just get it.

But if you really want to pimp out something fierce, then do this: create a genre in your iTunes - I called mine "Lounge". Then throw into it the aforementioned album as well as copious amounts of Morcheeba, Thievery Corporation, Massive Attack, St. Germain, Zero 7, and Supreme Beings Of Leisure. Next hook up your iTunes on your PC or simply your iPod to the stereo system in whatever room is host to the ribaldry. Lastly and most importantly, put the whole genre on shuffle and off you go. As of today iTunes tells me that I'm looking at 226 songs/18 hours of unique music, which even with a whole bottle of Viagra and the female cast of Republica Deportiva would be more than one would ever need. OK, maybe not if it was the entire female cast, but the odds there are a tad low. Plus, the beauty of this is that thanks to the shuffle feature every encounter is a unique musically-aided experience: you will never fall into the routine that you do with a sex album of the first couple songs being mentally associated with kissing, the next few with foreplay, and the next few with sweet, sweet lovemaking {make sure to read sweet, sweet lovemaking with your Ron Burgundy inner voice}. If that genre isn't your thing, then simply do the same thing with whatever type of music does it for you - Megadeath, Iron Maiden, GWAR, whatever...

So there it is. That is how this pimp rolls.

Praise Up For All The Women Of The World

Today is International Women's Day, so I have to take a moment to give thanks and praise to all of the women in my life specifically and in the world in general. You are often under appreciated, overlooked, underpaid, and taken for granted, but I love ya, especially my mother, sister, and grandmother. You gave birth to us, cared for us, fed us, raised us, and continue to support and love us unconditionally, and I for one am thankful for who you are, what you do, and for being a part of our lives.

Be sure to say and/or do something nice for your wife or girlfriend today. Can't think of anything? Here's a list of ideas to get you started.

"Jesus, Kanu, save it with the womyns crap. What a fairy-ass, sensitive little dandy boy..."

Don't worry I-like-my-women-as-sex-objects dude, I have something for you too:

Thanks to my reporter in the field Chris Smith, a picture of a mulher (woman) at today's massive protests against our genius president's visit to Sao Paolo, Brasil.


Why isn't she at the weekly anti-war protests
outside the SF Federal Building?

You're welcome dude, and for the rest I invite you to an impromptu caption contest of the above picture in the comments section.

Kanu's Last Minute Valentine Day Guide

Never been a big fan of Valentine's Day - always seemed artificial and forced to me, a way for various business interests to make beaucoup dollars while dressing up what is essentially a manufactured occasion in images of love and thoughtfulness to get you to pay $39 for roses that cost $15 every other day of the year. If you love someone shouldn't you do special things for them a totally random times and more frequently than once a year to show your affection? Anyhow, the point here isn't a rambling thesis on the problems I have with the holiday. The point is to help those of you with less than 24 hours and no ideas as to what to do...

One day left. You don't have any ideas, but at the same time you would like to avoid the "dozen roses/Russell Stover/Spa Sydell gift certificate" trifecta which screams of minimal thoughtfulness and effort. Here are a couple of tips that may help you out:

Musica
Get your hands on the album The Evolution Of Robin Thicke by Steven Gerrard look-a-like Robin Thicke, and give it to your lady. Specifically tell her that the song Lost Without You makes you think of her every time you hear it and so on and so forth.



This tune perfectly encapsulates what it is like to be in what I call the ga-ga phase of any relationship - those first 2 to 4 months when you are head over heels in love, everything is perfect, there are no disagreements, arguments, or fights, and sex is playful, fresh, new, and fun. And what better time than Valentine's Day to revive the thoughts and feelings from the ga-ga phase of your relationship? Ditto for the song Teach U A Lesson: playfully and respectfully naughty and teasingly erotic without being distasteful: what relationship couldn't use a little more of that?



Tell her this one makes you think of her as well, and that you want to act it out later tonight. If these two songs cannot spark a sexy encounter with you and your lady, then it's pretty obvious that you need 1) couples therapy 2) to just give up end your relationship.

"Come on Kanu, this is some seriously sissy fairy crap. I mean shit, man, I did some checking around - dude is Alan Thicke's son. Yeah, that Alan Thicke: the dad from Growing Pains"

Dude, no offense, but it doesn't really matter what you think of it. What matters is if she will love it, and unless she is a death metal queen then the odds are that she will, and think that you are super sweet and thoughtful, and that is a valuable commodity. Also, before you completely dismiss R Thicke as a fairy-boy, you might want to know that his voice and musical skills helped him land Paula Patton as his wife- she's the smokin' hott woman in that Lost Without You music video in the above link.

Flowers
Don't get roses - too obvious and cliche for 2/14. Get her a rocking arrangement of something less conventional, preferably whatever her favorite flowers are. If you don't know what her favorite flowers are, then 1) shame on you unless you are newly dating 2) you still have time to find out from her close friends. Most women certainly won't turn roses down but they would be happier to get something different because it shows a little more thoughtfulness, creativity, and effort.

Dinner
If you have any skills in the kitchen at all, then instead of going out to dinner, cook her dinner. The more out of character this is for you the better. Get a nice bottle of wine, crack it open, light a bunch of candles, throw on some music, and make a nice meal. This is much more interactive, personal, and fun then going out, and she will think it is super-romantic if you cook her a nice dinner. Of course, if your specialty is Lucky Charms, then going out to a nice restaurant might be best.

Stones
If you are going big, then I would recommend anything but a diamond, mostly on the general principle that diamonds are a girl's best friend intrinsically of little value and a hoax perpetuated on America by the DeBeers Corporation over the course of the 20th century. Of course, she probably doesn't agree, and I have been in my fair share of what can politely be described as "disagreements" with chicas on the issue of diamonds over the years, but you can point her in the direction of this article which sheds some light on the issue. Apparently the movie Blood Diamond touches on the other dark side of the diamond business, so you could always lure her to that as well with Leo Di Caprio as the carrot.

That's pretty much it. My last tip involves a bottle of champagne and a Twister mat, but I'm not going to get into it here. But when you do get to sexy time, light some candles and listen to this, and you'll be set.

Of course, the best thing you can do for your lady is to surprise her with flowers/little gifts/thoughtful notes for no reason at several random times throughout the year. Methinks she'll appreciate that even more than you doing nice stuff for her on the day that society tells you that you should.

Why Does The Women's Equality Movement Come To A Screeching Halt When The Check Arrives?

I consider myself pretty openminded and progressive when it comes to modern women's issues. Although as a male my understanding of women will never rise above "foggy", I am all for women's equality socially, in the workpalce, equal pay, all that stuff. I read Salon's Broadsheet with interest and would recommend it to anyone, male or female. I also understand that it is muy expensive being a woman with all of the makeup, accessories, etc that must be bought, let alone $15 a pair nylons and $50 a set underwear, as compared to our $3 bottle of PERT Plus, $7 boxers and one nice pair of brown shoes.

After many 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th dates in SF over the last year, what I don't understand is this: why, for so many successful women, does the women's equality movement come to a screeching halt when the check comes? Let me explain because that sounds like I am Costanza-cheap and I am not. In fact, I'm rather liberal with paying for others, as my friends and exs would certainly attest.

If I go on a first date with a woman, then I expect to pay and I have no problem with that; I am enough of a gentleman to think that it would be rude fo me not to pay. No big deal, so I'm out $30 to $100 depending on if we meet for drinks or dinner or whatever. Again, no problems whatsoever. However, when we go out on our 2nd date and the woman does not even offer one time to buy a round of drinks or whatever, then I certainly notice and it starts to get on my nerves. I would expect a liberated successful career woman to at least offer to make a little effort after that point; I'm not even talking about dutch or even actually paying- I am talking about a simple offer to get the next round of drinks or what have you. Once we get to the 3rd of 4th date and I am out $200+ and not only have you not paid a dollar but you haven't even offered, then I start to get irritated and lose interest in you.

It's not even about the money, it's about the implicit message of not offering at all - that you are not all that considerate and expect the man to pay for everything. I understand the traditional romantic notion of a man courting a woman and the traditional value of the man paying for everything. However, if that is what you expect on every date then you are being hypocritical, for if your attitude is that the man should incur every and all cost associated with courtship then you should be consistent and advocate the back-in-the-day setup where women's equality takes a backseat to men earning way more than women for the same job, etc. After all, if you are expecting the man to pay for everything then isn't it only fair that you support the 1950s mentality that men deserve to make way more than women?


What would Gloria Steinem think?

I am NOT saying that I think that we should revert to 1955 and men should make way more money than women. I'm just trying to make a point about the hypocricy of a woman who acts the way I described.

But again, it's not about the money involved, but rather the attitude. I certainly am not the number crunching type who expects that if a bill is $62.80 that each person should pay $31.40; I am an "it all comes out in the wash" person. "I get this one, you get it next time, it all evens out" is my attitude with friends. With women I have no problem paying for the first date, but after that I would hope that a sliding scale of "I get this one, you get it next time, it all evens out" starts to happen where she starts to pick up something here and there and after a while it gets closer to a sharing of the financial side of our being together. Note - I am never asking for this ratio to fall below 50/50, and I certainly am not expecting a sugar mama. But I have been out with a number of girls who after I paid for everything on the first date do not even offer one time on the 2nd or even third date to pay for anything at all. It should also be noted that each of these women had at least as good a job as I did if not better. What the hell is up with this? It seems like an expecting and inconsiderate message to send to not even offer to buy a round of drinks if we go out and have 5 rounds of drinks after I took care of everything on the first date.

I had one girl I talked to about this say to me "well my grandmother always told me that a man should pay because he is paying for my company". What the fuck? Why is a woman's company so valuable but a man's not? If a woman is hanging out with a good looking ,well dressed, normal dude with his shit together (not necessarily me, given those set of attributes) then does that not have a value as well? Don't make no sense to me. Seems to me then your grandmother would also advocate that I make twice as much as you and rightfully so if I am to be paying for the privledge of hanging out with you.


What would legendary anchorman Ron Burgundy think?

I get that being a successful modern career woman is difficult and extremely challenging, especially given societal pressures, stereotypical roles, and whatnot. But it seems like some women are wanting to be Erin Brockovich in all areas of life (and rightfully so), but when it comes to dating they want to be Scarlett O'Hara and be swept off their feet and completely taken care of by Rhett Butler. Seems a bit unrealistic and hypocritical to me. There is a hell of a lot more to romance, chemistry, and connection than who pays for what. These women are sending a passive message that having your shit together, being charming, witty, intelligent, fun, and paying for the majority of things isn't enough, that I have to be all of those things and your sugar daddy too, when you are every bit as successful as me. Perhaps it is a Mars & Venus thing, and women don't view it this way at all, so they don't even realize that they are sending this message to me passively.

There is a scene in the movie A Bronx Tale where an older guy is explaining to the teenage boy character how to tell if a woman is a "keeper": when he opens the passenger door in his car to let her in, if she reaches over and unlocks his door while he is walking around the car then that shows some consideration and she passes the test so to speak. I am reminded of that when I am on dates now and women either offer to buy a round of drinks or pay for anything. The "keeper" part has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the attitude and consideration showed by simply offering once and a while. The women that offer make me think, this is the kind of person I would want to be with, a considerate woman is into sharing the joys as well as the challenges of being together.

Am I baked when I think it is fair for a man to pay for everything on date 1 but then expect at least an occasional offer after that? Or is there some rule where the dude is expected to pay for everything X amount of times before a woman even says something like "Let me get this round - you paid for everything last time and bought dinner tonight"?


Would Kanye say she IS a golddigger?

Again, please understand that this is not about the money it is about the attitude, because I am guessing that if you don't know me personally and you read this it will sound like I am bitching about money.

And I don't hate these women, I just don't understand where they are coming from. Which I suppose makes me no different than any other man who makes any attempt to logically understand women.

Now then, you are free to tell me what a moron I am.

***Update, 11.14 p.m. PST***

I just re-read this and there are 2 things that I want to make clear:

1) I am not insinuating that all women in SF or anywhere else are like this. I have just had multiple experiences with this in the last year or so. I would guess that for everytime I experience this with a woman there are 2 that seem to know what time it is so to speak, so it's seems to run at a rate of 1 in 3. Also, major props to the ladies who are considerate enough to offer. I actually just got in from a first date who offered to help out with the dinner bill, which actually makes 2 women in a row for me that have done so. I still paid the bill in both cases, but it was very cool of them to even offer to assist.

2) I am not a jaded bitterman about the whole thing; this just evolved from a converstaion that I had recently about this subject with a friend who had some similar experiences. Again, I don't have any hatred for women who act this way, I just don't understand where they are coming from.

Dodgy At Best: Equal Opportunity Tittilator

If you have been through these parts during the World Cup then you may have noticed a few non-soccer related photos. If you don't know me then you may think that I am the guy who buys and drinks Coors Light just because of the "Twins" ad campaign, when in fact I am not that guy - I just love beautiful women. Hell, I read The Broadsheet to keep up on women's issues (and you should too).

Anyhow, it has come to my attention that there are at least 5 women who peruse these virtual pages (not sure about gay men), so in the spirit of equal opportunity I wanted to present some visual manbeef for them as well.

Before the tourney I offered up a picture of Arsenal/Sweden midfielder and Calvin Klein model Freddy Ljungberg from one of his CK photo shoots. My sister suddenly became more interested in The Gunners and Svierge, so I offer up this gallery of Freddy photos from Spiegel's website, which claims that these photos were deemed too hot for TV outdoor billboards in Stokholm, which seems bizarre considering how progressive Sweden seems to be.

Additionally, she or anyone else can always just do a Google Images search for FL, like this.


A win/win scenario photo that should make everybody happy.

Next up - Team Italia, and their suggestively erotic ad campaign for Dolce & Gabbana, with not one but three near naked locker room pics, each one more sexually suggestive than the last. I can't think of any other team in the World Cup that would do a photoshoot like this one. Can you imagine Landon Donivan, Beasley, Eddie Pope, and the rest doing something like this? Methinks it would be a little to uncomfortably homoerotic for them. But in Italy, it's all about exuding sensuality and sexuality, and Fabio Cannavaro, Gianluca Zambrotta, Gennaro Gattuso, Andrea Pirlo and Manuele Blasi have no such homophobic discomfort. Anyhow, enjoy ladies, methinks these photos might seriously affect who you root for on in the final.

Finally, I give you the German newspaper/magazine Stern, which has a massive library of World Cup manbeef photo galleries for your viewing pleasure. Knock yourselves out; shit, there's like 40 different photo galleries, shirtless, in uniform, in casual wear, in suits, you name it. You can even click on any of the 32 teams on the right to view pics of just their players.

If that isn't enough for you, then you can always go to the official FIFA World Cup site, click on any of the 62 matches thusfar, and browse through the photo galleries looking for hottness and post match shirtless men exchanging jerseys. A girl friend (notice the space) of mine commented to me that the postgame jersey exchange was her favorite part of the matches.


Talk about Mars & Venus:
Men: "That's a cool tradition."
Women: "Va Va Voom!"

Finally, to show that I am slightly deeper than superficial tittilation, here is an excellent article on the positive affect that women are having on soccer and vice versa.

Michelle Wie Attemting to Qualify For US Open Today

Today Michelle Wie faces the final round of sectional qualifying for the United States (Men's) Open to be played in two weeks at Winged Foot. She chose the sectional at Canoe Brook in New Jersey for it's proximity to Baltimore where she is playing in an LPGA tournament this week (a major, actually).


Forget the argument over should she or
shouldn't she, I hope she does it.

There are 153 players vying for 18 spots in her sectional, and the field is stout - over 2 dozen PGA Tour pros who are otherwise not qualified are in this sectional alone, including former major champions Mark O'Meara and Mark Brooks.

The odds are against her, but if she does make it then the US Open will be a media circus, and it will be interesting to see how Tiger and Phil react to being the 2nd fiddle storyline-wise. This would be THE watershed moment for women's golf, akin to Billy Jean King in women's tennis or the US Women's World Cup in 1999 for women's soccer.

I hope she does it, just because it would make things so much more interesting, and all of the men who get their boxers in a wad when she is given sponsors exemptions into PGA events could shut their mouths and appreciate the fact that she qualified fair and square just like everyone else.

***Update 10.28 a.m. PST***

She just finished her first round, chipping in from 60 feet on the 18th hole for birdie to shoot 2-under 68. She is currently in a tie for 11th place; the leaders are at -4. Good news: no bogeys. Bad news: missed 6 birdie putts inside of 12 feet. I would assume that her afternoon tee time would be in about an hour, around 11.30 a.m. PST.

This morning she played the 6,600 yard South Course, and this afternoon she plays the 7,000 yard North Course. I have no idea which one is tougher, but the reduced length this morning probably means that the South Course will play easier for her and she is kicking herself for missing some of those birdie putts, especially a 4 footer at #4.

You can follow the action at The Golf Channel website main page, or hole-by-hole here, although it appears that you are not alone - I frequently get page errors because their server is getting more action than it can handle. F5 repeatedly if you are having trouble.

***Update 2.17 p.m. PST***

She's -2 with 8 holes to play, which currently has her tied for 23rd and missing out (top 18 get in). One birdie coming home will probably put her into a playoff for the last spots, 2 will probably get her in. Even par or worse coming home and she will likely come up short.

The Golf Channel website has been brought to its knees and appears to be down for the count; might come back as the East Coast business people log off and go home for the day.

USGA's leaderboard page is here. Remember the top 18 get in.

***Final Update*** She didn't get in. Needing a birdie or two, she pressed and instead make some bogeys coming home, which is appropriate because that is the classic US Open result when you push the envelope to make birdies instead of settling for Old Man Par.

Male chauvinists everywhere, rejoice!

But not for too long. She'll be back...

What Did You Accomplish Yesterday?

I had a fairly productive day yesterday. Some of you even more so, I'm sure. But Michelle Wie smoked us all. On the heels of becoming the first woman since 1945 to make the cut in a top-tier mens international Tour event when she qualified for final round play in the Asian Tour's 2006 SK Telekom Open in Korea last week, yesterday she:

1) Beat 40 male golfers with no worse than a 1.4 handicap to finish 1st out of 41 in her U.S. (Men's) Open local qualifier, thus grabbing 1 of the 3 spots into sectional qualifying. She shot even par and made a fairly miraculous par on the 17th hole to avoid doing a Van de Velde. The USGA believes that she is the first woman to ever make it out of U.S. Open local qualifying. She now moves on to her sectional qualifying on May 30th in New Jersey, where the competition will be significantly stiffer - mostly PGA Tour pros not already exempt as well as pros from smaller tours. This is sure to be a total & complete media circus.


You rocked your PowerPoint
presentation for the big client? Cute.

2) Was offered, and accepted, an exemption into the 2006 U.S. Women's Open, to be played June 29- July 2 at Newport Country Club in Newport, RI. Although she has turned professional, she is not a member of the LPGA Tour, but they took into account that if she were a Tour member she would easily have qualified based on monies earned both last year and so far this year (and the fact that she is the biggest media draw in the sport, although they explicitly deny this).

3) Was offered, and accepted, an exemption into the European PGA Tour's 2006 Omega European Masters, to be played September 7-10, 2006 at Crans-sur-Sierre, Crans Montana, Switzerland. She will become only the 2nd woman to ever compete in a European PGA Tour event (Laura Davies, 2004 ANZ Championship, last place).


My life is so good right now,
it's hard not to laugh

If the 16 year old H.S. Junior also got all of her homework done and cleaned up her room, then I would be really impressed.

Wie Attempting To Qualify For U.S. Open

At 11 a.m. PST today, Michelle Wie will tee it up in her U.S. Open Local qualifier at Turtle Bay in her home state of Hawaii, in the opening leg of her quest to qualify for the 2006 United States (Men's ) Open at Winged Foot. There are 41 golfers competing for 3 spots in her region's sectional qualifier.


There are worse things on a Monday
than playing golf in Hawaii

In the past, some have been very critical of her receiving sponsor's exemptions into PGA Tour events, saying that she is taking the spot away from someone else. I completely disagree, but this is a totally different situation. If she makes the field she will have done it on her own merit by qualifying against the odds (8584 entrants this year for anywhere from 30-50 spots in the U.S. Open field).

Like her, hate her, agree or disagree with her anti-Tiger approach of going for the brass ring rather than learning to win against junior & amateur competition, it is always interesting and exciting when she tees it up against the boys. Personally I am all for it, and I hope she makes it, although the numbers say she won't.

My prediction is that she will grab one of the 3 spots for sectional qualifying, where she will be competing against amateurs and local pros, but will fail at sectional qualifying in a few weeks where she will be going up against mostly all PGA and mini tour players.

You can follow her progress today at www.thegolfchannel.com.

***Update***
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Iranian Women Soccer Fans: Your 1 Month Of Freedom Is Over

I hope the female Iranian soccer fans out there got out and caught a match in the last month, because after President Ahmadinejad announced in April that women in Iran could attend soccer matches, they have rescinded the new law because the Ayatollah does not approve of it, and his power is greater than that of the president. Perhaps we should worry less about what Ahmadinejad says about nukes and focus more about the attitude of the Ayatollah, since he is clearly the one who ultimately decides Iranian policy. Just a thought...


"Freedom is my right, Iran is my country"
Dookies: this is hardcore, you are not

Here's hoping that these brave, badass Iranian women exercise their human rights and defy the ban again at this summer's World Cup, or at least protest their way into a decent sports bar.