Copa America Update: El Super Clasico Del Sudamerica It Is

Life really getting in the way this week, sorry for the delay. I really don't know how all the multiple posts a day bloggers do it...

Brasil 2-2 Uruguay, 5-4 PSO


Highlights

As I stated earlier, I had a funny feeling one of these matches was going to go to PKs, and this one was it. Brasil went ahead twice only for Uruguay to equalize in what was a very good match. Brasil always looked in control, but Uruguay always bring a little something against their old rivals and neighbors, and always seem to carry the self belief that comes with handing Brasil their most painful defeat in it's existence, on it's own home soil, in the most attended football match in the history of man.

So after 90 minutes it was straight to PKs, and what an exciting shootout it was. Forlan's 1st for Uruguay was awful and easily saved, and Brasil were up for the first half of the shoot out, but then they had a dude hit the post and Uruguay tied it up. After 5 kicks it was still even; in the 6th round Brasil hit the post again, so miraculously Uruguay now had 1 kick to defeat Brasil and move on to the final. Dude's shot easily beat the keeper and looked for all the world that it was going into the corner, but then it hit the post as well. In the 7th round Brasil scored and then Uruguay's shot was saved and the super exciting shootout came to an anticlimactic conclusion as yet another referee refused to enforce the rules and allowed a goalkeeper to come a good 3 yards off his line before the kick was taken, and he saved the penalty. Yes, some of the blame lies with the kicker, as this penalty was very poor, but still, such blatant cheating should not be allowed. Sevilla'a Palop did the same thing with the final kick of the UEFA Cup shootout earlier this year, and it is just annoying that when a goalie cheats so badly and comes so far out that the referee does not simply order a re-kick. Makes no sense to me, and had always bothered me since Brainna Scurry did it on all 5 penalties in the 1999 Women's World Cup final vs. China, which is forever forgotten because OMG Brandi Chastain took her shirt off. The remarkable thing about that penalty shootout, where the USA made all 5 kicks and China made it's first 4, is that China made 4 out of 5 with Scurry almost out to the 6 yard box every time; I remember being more impressed with that feat than with the US team making all 5 with the China keeper obeying the rules. Anyways I hope for the day that a referee will grow a pair and call for a re-kick when the rules are so clearly breached.

So on to the final for Brasil. That's the good news. The bad news is that Gilberto Silva, captain and "invisible wall" who expertly shields & provides cover for the back 4, will miss the final due to card accumulation when he picked up an incredibly ticky-tack yellow card in the final minutes of the match. Normally reserved Gilberto went a bit mental to the referee, so you know that he immediately knew what it meant and was gutted that he would be missing the final.

Argentina 3-0 Mexico


Highlights

These two teams had played the best footy for the entire tournament, and it looked like if anyone was going to perhaps beat Argentina that Mexico might be able to do it. You also knew that Mexico would be super motivated to have another shot at Argentina after their epic World Cup Round of 16 match last summer, which was one of the best of the entire tournament and ended in heartbreak for Mexico when Maxi Rodriguez scored the goal of the World Cup to give Argentina a famous 2-1 win and send Mexico home.

The match was very tight for an hour, with Mexico hitting the woodwork twice and Argentina scoring a goal just before halftime when Heinze took advantage of some poor defending and latched onto a Riquelme free kick.

About the hour mark things were settled pretty quickly. First, two quick passes put Messi semi through but not really, as a defender was closing him down quickly and he was at a terrible angle. So he simply decided to score the goal of the tournament thusfar, which is saying something in this goal fest of a competition. He received the ball, and in a split second, and without breaking stride, chipped the keeper, which was the only way he could have scored from where he was and where the keeper was. By the time Messi kicked the ball, the defender had recovered and was between him and the goal, and the goalkeeper was well positioned giving him no angle to score. The slow, high, loopy chip was absolutely perfect and just looked even better because of the futile way that the goalie tried in vain to get to it. A really special goal for Lionel, especially that he did it on a full run without breaking stride and as a split second decision. But then again, it's Messi, and he's is doing special, special shit every time out these days.


Que ridiculo golaso del Messi

2 minutes later and Carlito Tevez made a meal out of some contact with Rafa Marquez and sold a 32 piece set of a penalty to the referee better than Uncle Rico ever could have. Riquelme slotted it for 3-0 and that was game, set and match.

So Brasil-Argentina, El Super Clasico Del Sudamerica, in the final, which is what most of the world has been foaming at the mouth over for 2 weeks now. As you might guess, these two have quite a history as neighbors and powers of world football, and their rivalry is, umm, intense.

Argentina would be solid favorites even if Gilberto was playing for Brasil. Without him, it will be even tougher for Brasil to snuff out Argentina's massive arsenal of attacks. I can't really see Brasil winning to be honest, but considering the magnitude of this rivalry, anything is possible, and remember, if it's tied then we go straight to penalty kicks where literally anything can happen.

Prediction Argentina 3-1 Brasil.

The match is on Univision at 2 p.m. PST today. Enjoy.

Evo Morales Convinces Sepp Blatter To Go Peter Tosh on Getting High in La Paz, Bolivia

As in, "Legalize it, don't criticize it."


Peter Tosh celebrates for all of Bolivia

On Wednesday FIFA modified their altitude ban, arbitrarily moving the cutoff from 2,500 meters to 3,000 meters.

On Thursday, Bolivian president Evo Morales met with FIFA president Sepp Blatter for 45 minutes in an effort to get him to rescind the ban entirely.

On Friday, Blatter excluded La Paz, Bolivia {elevation 3,600 meters and where Bolivia play all of their home matches} from the ban.

Hurrah! Major props to Bolivian president and footy fanatic Evo Morales for continuing to fight the good fight until the right thing was done.


Bolivia can continue to playing in La Paz like Evo does all the time
{hell yeah you get to wear the #10 when you are president}.

Finally this silly arbitrary and capricious ban is essentially dead. The interesting thing is that FIFA didn't rescind the ban entirely but instead gave La Paz an exception, which doesn't really make sense. I was wondering who else is still affected by the ban, but none of the print reports so far have mentioned that. On Friday night's Fox Sports World Report, however, they reported that now the only place still affected by the band is Tibet. I encourage them to go Beastie Boys and fight for their rights as well. Hmmm, "Free Tibet" sounds like a catchy slogan...

FIFA Altitude Ban Modified, But Not Far Enough

So on Wednesday FIFA eased back a bit on their ban of international matches played at altitude. Initially the cutoff was 2,500 meters {8,200 feet}, but after massive protests they have come back and changed it to 3,000 meters {9,840 feet}.

My take on this is that FIFA are attempting the old divide and conquer. Follow me...

1) This whole thing basically started because the most powerful CONMEBOL nation, Brasil, no longer wants to have to play at high altitude away to Bolivia, probably the smallest/least powerful CONMEBOL nation.

2) Allegedly Argentina joins Brasil and this becomes a matter of the stronger nations trying to further marginalize the weaker nations by eliminating their home field advantage because it is a nuisance to them, and that the altitude nations perform much, much better at home than on the road.

3) The ban comes out at an arbitrary 2,500 meters, which eliminates significant home field advantages for Bolivia, Ecuador, Colombia, and Peru, relatively weak footy nations, but magically is just high enough to allow Mexico, one of the 2 strongest CONCACAF nations, to continue to have their massive, massive home field advantage at Azteca stadium with it's horribly polluted air and altitude of 2,250 meters.

4) The smaller, less powerful nations ban together in protest and basically vow to fight for one another in solidarity.

5) On Wednesday FIFA arbitrarily changes the altitude cutoff from 2,500 meters to 3,000 meters. Guess what this accomplishes? Now matches at Quito, Ecuador {2,850 meters} and Bogota, Colombia {2,640 meters} are suddenly legal, leaving Bolivia all alone {Peru play in Lima and were openly talking about going up to Cuzco at 3,200 meters for WC qualifiers but obviously will just continue to play in Lima now that all the controversy has kicked off}.

6) Seems kind of obvious to me that FIFA are trying to divide and conquer the protesting group of 4 by basically allowing 2 back in and hoping that they basically say "Sorry, Bolivia, love ya, but we're good to go. Good luck, dudes, we're out. Peace." This will effectively accomplish what Brasil set out to do in the first place, which is not have to go up to 11,800 feet to play World Cup qualifiers in La Paz, Bolivia.

The question is, will Colombia and Ecuador do that, or will they still back Bolivia's fight on general principle? It will be interesting to see. Either way, Bolivian president Evo Morales seems confident that he can get Blatter to overturn the ban altogether. And like any good politician, he is using this issue to garner support among his people. I hope that happens because I think that it is a ridiculous, arbitrary and capricious ban and should not be allowed to stand on general principle.

So to sum up, good news but not great news. Hopefully this thing will be tossed out soon enough.

***Update***

FIFA President and general scoundrel Sepp Blatter says that he is reconsidering the entire ban after meeting with Bolivian President Evo Morales for 40 minutes yesterday. Does Evo have compromising pictures of Sepp?

The Dream Dies For Gualeloupe; Canada Gets Hozed, Eh?

Guadeloupe put up a really good fight against {relatively} mighty Mexico in the Gold Cup semifinals last night; they were organized and didn't panic on the ball, especially in their own end. AS the game went on and Guadeloupe's goalkeeper made some point blank saves that should have been goals, you started to believe that this might be one of those games where the massive underdog gets a goal from a corner or set piece and pulls off the super shocker. It remained tied until the 70th minute when Mexico scored a great goal, and try as they may Guadeloupe could not get the equalizer. So the dream ends, but there is no shame in losing 0-1 to Mexico, and considering the rest of their amazing showing at this tournament, considering their history, size, and status as a non-nation, they certainly did themselves proud and will be welcomed home as heroes. And it did take an absolute Golaso! to knock them out:


Que golaso por El Tri

Canada scrapped with the US but it still looked like they were going down 2-0 to the US, but then they pulled one back in the 75th minute to get to 2-1 and give them a chance to tie it up. It looked like a lost cause when suddenly in the 94th and final minute, they scored a perfectly legitimate goal. Cue the ineptitude & stupidity by the referees: the goal was disallowed, and it was as much of a kick in the nuts disallowed goal as you will ever see. 1) there were to be 4 minutes of added time, and the goal happened at literally the 94.00 mark, so literally they equalized with what should have been the last kick of the game 2) The linesman ruled that Canada were offsides, when it wasn't even close- dude was totally onsides 3) but worst of all, it doesn't matter if he was on or offsides because he received the ball after a US defender completely fucked up and headed the ball right into his path, and by rule a striker cannot be offsides when a defender hits it to him instead of an attacking player. A colossal and embarrassing fuckup by the linesman and referee hands the match to the US when they should certainly have played extra time and perhaps penalties, where anything could have happened.

See for yourself at the 6.15 {-3.00} mark of this video:


Canada gets jobbed, hard, at the 6.15 {-3.00} mark

So the final will what everyone expected going in: the two heavyweights, US and Mexico. Should be a good match for continental bragging rights. If you care to check it out the match is Sunday at 12 p.m. PST, on Fox Soccer Channel and Univision.

Don't Believe The Hype

Everyone and their mother this afternoon is spreading the word that TH14 has signed with Barcelona, and like a viral outbreak the stories seem to be growing exponentially.

Don't Believe The Hype.



Most originate from an article printed in France Football which alleges that an agent of Barcelona and Henry's agent have agreed to a 3 year contract and they are now only waiting on Arsenal and Barca to agree to a fee.

First off, this isn't really how it works. A club has to agree to sell a player under contract, and then the player negotiates his salary with the new club.

Secondly, this France Football article is no different than the million other silly season articles, 99.9% of which turn out to be compete fabrications. Here's how it typically works: some press outlet, hoping to drive traffic/sell papers, prints a story and spins it to sound like fact, when in reality the whole thing is being put forth be either an agent of a club or a player's agent in an attempt to advance their cause. For the club it is to land a player; for an agent it is to move your player for a huge fee that you will receive 5-10% of.

Either way, they try to throw this out in the hopes that somehow, magically, falsely saying that it is on the brink of happening will actually make it happen {usually the hope is that it will destabilize the relationship between current club and player- in this case, Henry will see it, call Wenger all pissed and "WTF dude?", they will get into a huge fight about it, and the player will then say "well fuck it, I think I will leave to go to club X", or whatever the case may be}.

This Henry to Barca shit has been going around in the Spanish papers for weeks, and now as the season ends and "silly season"begins, it will just ratchet up even more.

In the end it is a load of bollox intended to sell newspapers.

Do not believe the Henry to Barcelona stories until you see a picture of Henry in the Nou Camp holding up a Barca jersey or scarf to the assembled press and Catalan fans, or an official statement from Arsenal Football Club.

I am putting myself out there a bit and saying with confidence that this is all bullshit. It is possible that in the next 24-48 hours that I will be made to look like a fool, but methinks it is all of these so called respectable mainstream media outlets that will be made to look like fools in the end.

El Mano Del Dios, Parte Dos

OK, Lionel, now you're just getting ridiculous.

Remember earlier this season when young Lionel Messi damn near replicated his countryman Diego Maradona's 2nd most famous goal {and the one most voted the greatest goal ever}? It was so similar that is was downright eerie.

Well damn if he didn't do it again today, when he replicated Maradon'a most famous, and infamous goal, which is most probably the most infamous and controversial goal ever scored {note also that both of Maradona's goals came in the very same match, a 1986 World Cup quarterfinal against England}.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, The Hand Of God Part II:


El Mano Del Dios, Messi remix


For those not in the know, here's THE Hand Of God Goal:


El Mano Del Dios, edicion original

Again eerie, both the goal itself, and the fact that it fooled the referees but not the players. Even more eerie is that Messi scored Barca's 2nd goal, so just like Diego against England, it looked like he was going to lead his team to a controversial win in the penultimate game of the season with the league title on the line. But then at the end an amazing twist in the tale. More on that in a bit...

"Hello, Pot? It's Me, Kettle..."

Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon has responded angrily to claims that Real Madrid are in talks with Dutch winger Arjen Robben, stating: 'We note that Mr Calderon confirms Real Madrid spoke to Arjen and as a result Chelsea will be writing to Fifa to ask them to investigate an illegal approach by Real Madrid.'

There really is no limit to the level of Chel$ea's classless assholosity. Fucking wankers.

ESPN Sportstainment Strikes Again

On Saturday ESPN is planning on airing the movie that it made about the famous filly Ruffian {spoiler alert: think Old Yeller but worse} on ABC after its coverage of the Belmont Stakes.


While Secretariat v. Man O' War will rage on infinitely,
most are in agreement that she was the greatest filly to ever race

Now comes word that the trainer and jockey of Ruffian have filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against ESPN because ESPN's depictions of them in the film are not accurate. Basically it sounds like ESPN originally went to these two and asked for the right to use their names and stories, but the two refused because ESPN would not allow either man any control over the content of their characters in the film. So ESPN came up with the idea of inserting famous horse writer Bill Nack into the movie and inventing numerous conversations between Nack and Ruffian's trainer that never took place. In fact, trainer Whiteley says that he did not speak to Nack one single time in the year leading up to Ruffian's infamous match race.

While a third party to the lawsuit, who own the trademark to Ruffian's name in books, film, and television, are fighting over money, the trainer and jockey simply want ESPN to throw up a little blurb stating that the events in the film are not the actual truth but are a fictionalized version of the truth. Says attorney A. Lee Parks trainer Whiteley:

“They wanted to use their names and depict them, but gave them no control over the content. Nobody with a reputation would sign away their life story with no input. So ESPN, rather than folding, just found another way to tell the story, and that was by using Bill Nack to write a book inserting himself into the story as one of the players. The conversations depicted in the film between Mr. Whiteley and Mr. Nack never happened, according to Mr. Whiteley. He didn’t sit around his barn chatting with reporters. What we have asked them to do is put a disclaimer on the movie saying it is a fictionalized version based on true events, and that the depictions of Mr. Whiteley and Mr. Vasquez should not be considered as being approved by them. You see those disclaimers all the time, and that would be fine. We’re big boys. They are public figures. People can make movies about these things if they don’t present it as a true story.”

Sounds fair enough to me. So go ahead and throw a 10 second disclaimer up at the beginning of the film ESPN, before the world hates you even more.

I wonder if the guy that started his own blog in an anti-ESPN EDSBS comment thread has seen this story yet...

I See Your Act Of Danish Self-Destructive Stupidity. And I Raise...

So you're Denmark, and on Saturday you were hosting longtime geographic and sporting rival Sweden in a Euro2008 qualifying match, as you happen to have been drawn into the same qualifying group {7 team round robin home and away, top 2 teams qualify}. The way things stand, you really need a result in this match to hang on to any good chance of qualifying.

You promptly go down, on your home turf, 0-3 to Sweden, and it looks like all is lost. But then, miraculously, you score 3 2nd half goals to even it up at 3-3 in the 75th minute. Although a win would put you right back into the thick of things, a draw would keep hopes of qualifying alive.

So in the 89th minute, what do you do? If you are Danish defender Christian Poulsen, with Sweden in your end but not threatening, you turn to the man you are marking and punch him as hard as you can in the stomach, causing him to fall to the ground. Oh, and you are standing in your own penalty area.

The linesman has a clear view of your Danish Self-Destructive Stupidity, and after a short conference with the referee you are shown a straight red card and Sweden is awarded a penalty.

But wait, your shining moment in the sun as the supreme goat is to be extremely short lived, as someone immediately decides to match your Danish Self-Destructive Stupidity and raise quite a bit, and he has the added advantage of having spent the last 2 hours drinking instead of playing footy.

Enter drunken fan guy, who runs onto the field, runs up to the referee, and takes a swing. Like any good n' drunk dude, he didn't exactly connect, but it was enough for the referee to abandon the match just as Sweden was to take a penalty kick in the last minute.


Warning: stupid ahead

So in all likelihood Denmark will lose by forefit thereby 1) pretty much eliminating any good chance they might have to qualify and 2) giving 3 points to their rivals Sweden and vaulting them back to the top of the group, where they probably will qualify.

The funny thing about all of this is that the happiest dude about it is probably the Danish defender who got sent off. Since 80% of penalties are converted, then it is likely that his Danish Self-Destructive Stupidity would have made him a national goat, whereby now he is kind of an afterthought.

Altitude Discrimination Update

This might not be as much of an unbelievable soap opera as college football's Las Chronicas de Boss Hawg, but it is getting good, and remember it's early yet.

- Go ahead and add Peru to the list of livid South American nations protesting the new FIFA altitude ban. Peruvian president Alan Garcia has joined the fray, and is even dropping some intelligent smack as well:

"I am absolutely positive that Bladder cannot play above 2,500 meters, so he probably assumes soccer players cannot either. Perhaps we should ban matches in hot regions such as Africa or in Norway where it is very cold," added Garcia.

- After playing four soccer matches at 3,600 meters Wednesday to protest the ban, Bolivian president Evo Morales spoke to the press:

Speaking on the sidewalk in front of the palace in a red-and-green warm-up suit, Morales announced that Argentine President Nestor Kirchner, Uruguayan President Tabare Vazquez, and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez had all pledged to support Bolivia's efforts to overturn the ban.

"This demonstrates that Bolivia is not alone," Morales said. "We will continue speaking with other presidents so that (high-altitude) sport will not be marginalized."

But Uruguayan officials attending FIFA's 57th annual congress Wendesday in Zurich denied that was true, and Argentine officials declined to comment on Morales' claim.

The soap opera factor is getting high, with Uruguay denying his claims and Argentina, first alleged to be one of the main influences behind the ban, speechless thusfar.


Speaking of protest movements in Bolivia, I'm sure Che would be
saying a big fat "fuck you!" to FIFA. Or perhaps "hijo de puta!"...

- Ecuador, Bolivia, and Columbia are threatening to withdraw from next month's Copa America over the issue, and now the Peruvian Soccer Federation has joined them as well. That is 4 out of the 10 South American soccer nations, and 4 out of the 12 participating teams in this year's Copa America. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, especially since there is no World Cup or European Championships this summer, making Copa America the center of world football's attention. Are these nations bluffing or will they really withdraw, and if they really do pull out will FIFA relent and rescind the ban or hold their ground and conduct a Copa America with only 8 teams {and only 6 of them South American at that}?

La situacion es muy, muy interesante...

Altitiude Discrimination

Thanks to your favorite Scottish SC fan and mine, DCTrojan, for bringing to my attention a proposed recently passed ban by FIFA on matches played at elevations higher than 2,500m, which is 8,200 feet, as well as the protests that this announcement triggered in high altitude countries Eduador and Bolivia.


Getting really high: Legalize it, FIFA, don't criticize it

Since my longwinded ass basically started it's own blog in the comments section over there, I wanted to put what I wrote up here {with minor tweaking} so that I could easily reference it in the future.

First, my response/rant:

Interesting. Sounds like a case of the powerful/strong {Brasil, Argentina, Uruguay, FIFA} trying to assert their power and further marginalize the poorer/weaker nations that happen to play at high altitude. The results show that the altitude teams kick ass in their home qualifiers, even against the big boys, and for the big boys it is a total pain in the arse that they would much rather do without.

I think such a ban would be bullshit. Home field advantage is a wonderful thing in sport, especially footy, and furthermore, it is great that the poorer nations with much less resources have this built in advantage. I’m sure that Che would agree…

Look, any nation can host their home qualifier anywhere in their country that they like, and countries 1) should use their geography to maximum advantage and 2) should not be punished for the natural geography that mother nature bestowed upon them. Brasil have every right to play their home qualifiers in the middle of the Amazon jungle, and Argentina could play teams in Bariloche or freaking Ushuaia if they like. The difference is that they are so good that they don't need to, whereas the little guys either do need to or simply do because their main cities happen to be at very high altitudes.

Related to this, I have always thought that US Soccer does an extremely poor job with choosing sites for World Cup qualifiers. It is well known that when the US plays in Central American countries, those countries sometimes play the match in the most bumfuck places just to make the road trip as painful as possible for the gringos {flight, several hour bus ride to a remote area, etc}.

So- why doesn’t the US do the same thing, or at least use our weather diversity to our advantage? If I were US Soccer, I would schedule the home match against Canada in Miami, Dallas, or Phoenix, and the matches against tropical countries in the coldest place they can find at whatever time of year it is: Boise, Minneapolis, Buffalo, or some High School football stadium in Alaska.

Instead they do stupid ass shit like schedule the US-Mexico game in Los Angeles, creating a road home game for El Tri where 80,000 of the 95,000 fans are cheering for Mexico and lobbing ziplock bags of piss at the US bench and fans.

I suppose in the last 10 years US Soccer has become good enough vis a vis the rest of CONCACAF that they don’t need to do this, but they sure as shit should have been doing it between 1950 and 1994.

Estadio Olímpico Atahualpa, Quito, Eduador. Elevation: 9,300 ft.

Then I got to thinking what the numbers really were, because I specifically remembered when writing this that Ecuador qualified for last summer's World Cup by doing great at home and poorly on the road, and many pundits writing them off because their success was achieved at altitude.

So I ran some numbers:

OK, I ran some numbers, and it is no surprise why they are taking to the streets and protesting in Ecuador and Bolivia, other than the fact that is it discriminatory and insulting. But let’s stick to the footy:

2006 World Cup qualification:

Ecuador:

Finished 3rd out of 10 with 8 wins, 4 draws, and 6 losses. Their record at home was 7 wins, 2 draws, and 0 losses, and their home results against the Big Two were 1-0 win over Brasil and a 2-0 win over Argentina. Their road record was 1 win, 2 draws, and 6 losses.

Bolivia:

Finished 10th out of 10 with 4 wins, 2 draws, and 12 losses. Their record at home was 4 wins, 2 draws, and 3 losses, and their home results against the Big Two were a 1-1 draw with Brasil and a 1-2 loss to Argentina. Their road record was 0 wins, 0 draws, and 9 losses.

2002 World Cup Qualification:

Ecuador:

Finished 2nd out of 10 with 9 wins, 4 draws, and 5 losses. Their record at home was 6 wins, 2 draws, and 1 loss, and their home results against the Big Two were 1-0 win over Brasil and a 0-2 loss to Argentina {Aug. 15, 2001: the last time they lost at home}. Their road record was 3 wins, 2 draws, and 4 losses.

Bolivia:

Finished 7th out of 10 with 4 wins, 6 draws, and 8 losses. Their record at home was 4 wins, 4 draws, and 1 losses, and their home results against the Big Two were a 3-1 win over Brasil and a 3-3 draw with Argentina. Their road record was 0 wins, 2 draws, and 7 losses.

1998 World Cup Qualification {Brasil did not have to qualify as they were the holders}:

Ecuador:

Finished 7th out of 9 with 6 wins, 3 draws, and 7 losses. Their record at home was 6 wins, 1 draw, and 1 loss, and their home results against the Big Two was a 1-0 win over Argentina. Their road record was 0 wins, 2 draws, and 6 losses.

Bolivia:

Finished 8th out of 9 with 4 wins, 5 draws, and 7 losses. Their record at home was 4 wins, 4 draws, and 0 losses, and their home result against the Big Two was a 2-1 win over Argentina. Their road record was 0 wins, 1 draw, and 7 losses.

I stopped there because in 1994 they were broken into 2 groups of 5 and it wasn’t true round robin.

Totals over the last 3 World Cup Qualifying campaigns:

Ecuador:
Home: 19 wins, 5 draws, 2 losses
Road: 4 wins, 6 draws, 16 losses
Home record against Big 2: 4 wins, 1 loss

Bolivia:
Home: 12 wins, 10 draws, 4 losses
Road: 0 wins, 3 draws, 23 losses
Home record against Big 2: 2 wins, 2 draws, 1 loss

Note also that in 1993 in La Paz, little Bolivia beat Brasil in a World Cup qualifier, which was Brasil's 1st outright loss in a World Cup qualifier. Ever.

I didn’t take the time to filter out the matches where these two played each other, but you get the idea. The numbers are pretty damn amazing.

So yeah, I would be protesting too.

Estadio Hernando Siles, La Paz, Bolivia. Elevation 11,932 ft.

Plain and simple this ban is bullshit; they are using the health issue to mask what is really going on- the powerful strong countries do not want to be bothered with having to play the little guys in situations where the little guys have a built in advantage, which is the very essence of a home & home series in this or any other sport.

If health is so important, then why not a ban for any matches in Mexico City, where the air is so polluted that is affects players from breathing when they play at the 3rd largest stadium in the world in front of 115,000 fans, which just so happens to be at 2,240m/7,349 feet??? Or other cities in South America with massive air pollution problems?

By the way, isn't is so freaking obvious that they chose 2,500m as the arbitrary elevation for the ban because it is just above Mexico City and therefore wouldn't upset a "powerful"/"important" soccer nation like Mexico?

Hey, fucktards of FIFA, did you ever think that your policy of scheduling more and more silly tournaments {Confederations Cup, which has already resulted in one players death, anyone?} in your never ending cash grab for you and your well connected sponsors is much more harmful to players health than playing games at altitude?

Here's hoping that the ban doesn't pass.

Memo To Chevron: I Like A Little Foreplay Before I Get Fucked

So Saturday morning on my way down to Sequoia National park I happened to stop for gas at a Chevron station in Visalia, CA. I drive a Nissan Maxima with a 15.5 gallon gas tank, and at the time I had just a shade under a quarter of a tank left. To make the math easier, let's just round my gas tank up to 16 gallons which will also give Chevron another 3% or so benefit of the doubt. So filling up with just less than 1/4 of a 16 gallon tank, one would expect the pump to read in the neighborhood of 12 gallons when the tank was full, correct?

Funny thing, that damn math & science & fancy numbers, because when my tank was filled the pump read that 14.5 gallons had been dispensed at $3.45 a gallon for a grand total of just over $50. But who cares about the pricing- what I want to know is how the fuck 14.5 gallons of gas can fit into a 15.5 gallon tank that is just a shade under 1/4 full.

Is Chevron adjusting the settings on their gas pumps and fucking over you and I? Is that how they are posting 867 billion dollar profits each quarter these days? I mean, this would be the Office Space hoax on the magnitude of damn-near infinity if it were true. I can't imagine that if they are that they would adjust the settings so drastically that it would be so obvious that a numbers geek like me would notice; you would think that they would change the setting by 2-3%, no one would ever notice, and the profit would add up and roll in on a scale that makes the Office Space look like peanuts. On the other hand, what happened on Friday is simply not possible.

Here's the trick: this is the 2nd time that this has happened to me in the last 6 weeks at a Chevron station. The first was in Pasadena at 5.45 a.m. on a Sunday morning, so I was too tired to remember it for more than the 30 minutes that the whole thing was rattling around in my head that day. But now it has happened again, that a physically impossible amount of gas has been registered on Chevron pump.

If they are fucking us, is it Chevron corp doing this across the board? Or is it individual gas station owners realizing that if they can figure out how to manipulate the settings on their pumps they can do their own little Office Space scam somehow? I would be inclined to think the latter, but I'm not sure how they could cook their books to siphon off the illegal profit.

Being that I walk to work, my car sleeps alot during the week, and I only fill my gas tank up every once in a while, but I have filled it a couple of times in between these two incidents, at stations not named Chevron, and the numbers have been normal, so I think that rules out the possibility of my car's gas gauge being jacked up.

Has anyone else experienced or heard of this? If you fill up at a Chevron station, especially one in California, and see any weird ass results let me know- I would be curious/interested. Or if you are way smarter than me and explain how this could happen, then feel free to educate my ignant ass.

Italy: Champions Of Europe, Champions Of The World, Champions Of Cheating, and Pretty Damn Good At Violence, Too

On August 24, 2006, the day of the Champions League draw, I wrote this:

In another interesting twist, AC Milan drew a joke of a group that they will walk through with ease: Lille, AEK Athens, Anderlecht. Definitely the easiest draw of all of the top seeds. As I have said before, listen for grumbling to grow louder and louder as they progress in a competition that they have no business being a part of in the first place, and don't be at all surprised if in some twisted sort of ironic-bizarro-karma they go on to win the whole thing after being {rightfully} banned and then {wrongfully and shamefully} allowed back in on appeal.

And today it came true.

AC Milan 2-1 Liverpool

What a year for Italian football. Last year at this time was the mondo corruption scandal, followed by a World Cup triumph, then to everyone's surprise harsh penalties were handed out for the offending clubs, then to no one's surprise they were reduced several times after 98 appeals by the clubs and some serious shenanigans by Italian football officials, the entire Italian league was shut down by the prime minister after mounting fan violence culminated with the killing of a policeman, Roman police beat the everloving shit out of traveling ManUtd fans that didn't seem to be doing a whole hell of a lot, and now the team that was initially ruled ineligible for the Champions League, but then let back in on their umpteenth appeal, are the champions of Europe.

So we can pretty much throw out the old cliche "Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win", although truth be told that maxim has been made null and void many, many moons ago.

Oh, the match? It was mildly entertaining I suppose. Milan went up 1-0 just before halftime when an Andrea Pirlo free kick took a lucky and unintentional deflection off of Pippo Inzaghi's shoulder and went into the net. Memo to the moron in the pub incessantly bitching about it being a handball: go back to 2nd grade and learn that the shoulder/collarbone area and the hand/arm are mutually exclusive body parts.

Zenden and Kuyt were total rubbish- I am surprised that Kewell and then Crouch did not come on sooner. Milan doubled their lead in the 83rd minute when Kaka played Inzaghi through with a beautiful pass, and Inzaghi rounded the keeper and slotted home at a tricky angle. Classic Inzaghi- a striker who can go an entire match without doing shit, but give him one good chance and it is likely that he will punish your ass. Outside of that one move for the 2nd goal, he did absolutely nothing except get lucky with the deflection that created the first goal. Unless you count his completely shameful and Rivaldo-esque fall down, roll around, and act shot to waste time routine after a Harry Kewell cross hit him in the stomach in the last few minutes.

So for a few minutes I looked like a genius with my 2-0 prediction, but then in the 89th minute Kuyt headed in a corner that was headed first by Agger, then deflected off of Maldini's dome to Dirk, who headed past Dida. A bing-bang-boom pinball of a goal setting up an exciting final few minutes. But nothing came of it and that was that.

Did anyone else notice that the referee called for 3 minutes of added time, but then blew the whistle at 2.44 even though there was a time-wasting substitution {time is usually added on for this} by Milan in extra time? Yes, it's only 15-45 seconds, but still that was pretty strange for any match, let alone a European Cup final, or a European Cup Final involving a team known throughout history to have influenced many a referee. I am not saying that this is proof of any shenanigans, only that it struck me as a bit odd.

So Milan have won the European title for the 7th time, placing them 2nd all time behind only Real Madrid's 9. Congratulations, I guess.

The one good bit of news is that UEFA have voted to amend their rules and now have the power to refuse a team from the Champions League sent up to them by a national association, so we shouldn't see something this silly again.

Italian PM Forced To Go Public Enemy on Calcio d'Italia

As in "Shut 'Em Down".



Violence in Italian football has been on the rise in recent years and is getting worse and worse. Yesterday a policeman was killed and 150 people were injured in what was essentially a riot.

The Prime Minister of Italy stepped in and suspended all play in all divisions indefinitely, saying enough is enough.

There is talk that he will shut down all of the leagues for a year. If this happens then isn't it safe to assume that there will be 4 or 5 appeals and that all leagues will be back up and running in 2 weeks? (if you don't know what I'm referencing, Bobbeh lays it all out here Gabrielle Marcotti updates the story to conclusion here before becoming an apologist for his beloved Italy).

In the current round of articles there are alot of people saying that the problem has gotten much worse recently and this year. I wonder if there is a correlation between the ramifications (or lack thereof) of the match fixing scandal last year and how they appealed and got their punishments ultimately reduced to a mere fraction of what they originally were (and should have been) - did this simply re-inforce the belief for these hooligans that in Italy you can do whatever you want and ultimately get away with it - not be held responsible, or to use the Bush administration "Hot Word For The SAT Echo Chamber Word Of The Month", did this embolden the enemy hooligans? Did a mondo social re-inforcement of the idea of lack of accountability for one's actions contribute to this? I wonder...

Here's hoping the PM keeps his convictions and fights all of the pressure he will get from the powers that be for him to cave on this issue.


To extend the PE metaphor: Fight The Power Prodi!

Excellent Synopsis Of Italian Soccer Scandal

Leave it to my main man Bobbeh to provide the best summary & details of the entire thing from beginning to end. Certainly the best writeup on this subject that I have come across.

Perhaps the best by-product of the 2006 World Cup is that Bobbeh now has his own blog.


Bobbeh: the fookin' mahn.

Landis Wins Epic Tour De France With Ride For The Ages. Was It On The Up & Up?

So last weekend Floyd Landis finished the job after his amazing comeback in stage 17 from his amazing bonk in stage 16. He went over the top in Saturday's time trial and cruised to victory on Sunday.


Winner, or cheater?

None other then Lance Armstrong is now lobbying his ex-teammate to join the Discovery team that Lance is a part owner in. According to OLN's Paul Sherwin, after Landis' stage 17 heroics "one of the first people to call him was his ex-team-mate and former 7 time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong who told Landis he had the biggest balls of any cyclist he had ever met to even think about pulling such a move."

He is the 3rd American to win the race. Amazingly, Americans have now won 11 of the last 21 races dating back to Greg Lemond's first TDF win in 1986. That's pretty dominant when you consider that not a single American even rode in the TDF prior to 1981.

I took a liking to Landis after reading this Outside magazine piece on him 2 months ago. I was especially excited to find that he shared my disdain for the ridiculous concept of giving 110%:

"Well, why not 112 percent?" Landis inquires, eyes widening with burning incredulity. "Why not 500 percent or 1,300 percent or 38 billion percent? I mean, if he can crank it up beyond 100 percent, why not? What's stopping him, exactly?"

Exactly, man. This whole 110% thing has been a huge pet peeve of mine for years, so I took an immediate liking to him after reading the article. Plus he is a great story with his degenerative hip and looming replacement surgery, etc.

Now today reports have come out that Landis's urine sample after that epic stage 17 ride showed unusual levels of testosterone. If he won by cheating then it would be the worst scandal in cycling history considering he is the TDF winner. And given cycling's history of doping, that is saying something.

Critics will say that the fact that it was after that unbelieveable ride in stage 17 circumstantially proves that he cheated, because no one could believe that he did what he did. But I do not think that Floyd cheated to win. I am not saying that there might not be "unusual" levels of testosterone in his urine sample from that day. I just think that he didn't cheat to win. Cheaters in cycling don't pump themselves with testosterone because it is so easily traceable; they tend to use EPO and other designer type drugs that are much more difficult to detect. Additionally, from all reports Floyd knew from the night before stage 17 that he was going to try his go for broke super attack the next day. Knowing the Tour's policy of automatically drug testing the winner of each stage as well as several others at random, why would he juice if he was trying to win the stage?

Floyd has a reputation as a very clean guy. It seems more likely that his elevated testosterone level was the result of the cortisone shots that he takes for his jacked up hip, or perhaps from the daily medication that he takes for a thyroid problem, or both. He has denied the doping allegation in an exclusive interview with Si.com that is certainly worth a read.

What's next? The sample that has already been analyzed is called the "A" sample. Now they will test the "B" sample to see if it matches, since each drug test requires 2 samples. Landis has retained the services of a doctor to help show that his elevated testosterone levels are not from doping. According to this interesting article by King Kaufman, ESPNews analyst John Eustice notes that many times in the past riders have been charged with elevated testosterone levels, and that:

"Every time an athlete has disputed a testosterone test," he said, "they have won. So the test is not quite as reliable as everyone thinks."

Landis adds in the SI article: "In hundreds of cases," Landis told me, "no one's ever lost one."

So we'll see what happens, but I'm falling on the he didn't cheat side of the fence.

Speaking of Being Back: Italian Soccer Corruption, And Tolerance Of It Are Back, Too

I was absolutely suprised when the ruling in the Italian soccer scandal came down a few weeks ago; I didn't think for one second that the clubs would get anything more than a glorified slap on the wrist. I was wrong, and I pleasantly suprised to be so; I actually had some respect for Italian soccer again.

How would Lee Corso say "not so fast my friends" in Italian?


"Non così velocemente i miei amici!"
(according to Babelfish, anyway)

The clubs appealed the decision, and a new ruling that significantly reduces the punishments was given a few days ago which is much more consistent with my original hypothesis. What a fucking joke. Even worse, Juventus and Fiorentina are still pissed and are now fighting to have their punishments reduced further or eliminated altogether, and Signori Moggi has gone so far as to say that Juve have nothing to be sorry for.

If you are scoring at home:

Juventus: 30 point deduction reduced to 17.

Fiorentina: Relegation reversed. Allowed back into Serie A with a 19 point deduction to start the season

Lazio: Relegation reversed. Allowed back into Serie A with an 11 point deduction to start the season.

AC Milan: Now will be allowed to participate in this season's Champions League, although they must play the 3rd round qualifying stage to make the tournament proper. Their 15 point deduction has been reduced to only 8.

Again, a total joke. Seems the equivalent of a child, after being punished by their old school Mom, simply going to their softie Dad, pleading their case, and getting a lesser punishment.

AC Milan have basically now escaped all punishment. Anyone suprised?

By the time they are done appealing for even more reduced penalties in civil court, don't be suprised if every punishment against all four clubs is thrown out.

What's The Italian Word For "Wrong"?

It's already old news but I was definitely wrong about the punishments in the Italian soccer scandal. Here is how it broke down:

Juventus: stripped of their last two league titles, not allowed to participate in the Champions League this year, relegated to Serie B, and given a 30 point deduction for the upcoming season.

Fiorentina: not allowed to participate in the Champions League this year, relegated to Serie B, and given a 12 point deduction for the upcoming season.

Lazio: not allowed to participate in the Champions League this year, relegated to Serie B, and given a 7 point deduction for the upcoming season.

AC Milan: not allowed to participate in the Champions League this year, and given a 15 point deduction for the upcoming season.

In short, Juve are fucked. Estimates have them immediately losing 50% of their revenue (TV money, sponsorships), and despite being Italy's most popular club, thier mysteriously poor attendance means that ticket revenue won't do much to help things out. The 30 point deduction basically means that they will be in Serie B for 2 seasons; it would be quite an accomplishment for them to finish in the top 3 of Serie B to gain promotion given that they are starting the season with -30 points, especially considering that many of their star players will be sold off (Cannavaro and Emerson have already been moved to Real Madrid, and more are sure to follow). So it will probably be 3 years before they are back to Serie A and then they would have to finish in the top 4 to get into the Champions League for 2009-2010. So it is a long, long road back for them.


PV4 will probably leave Juve; rumors
have him going to ManUtd or Inter.

Fiorentina and Lazio start the Serie B season with -12 and -7 points respectively, so it seems like they have a good chance to finish in the top 3 and gain promotion back to Serie A next year. Much will depend on how many 0f their players they are able to retain.

AC Milan got off the easiest of the 3, which isn't much of a suprise given their immense power and connections. However, starting the Serie A season with -15 points means that a top 4 finish to qualify for the Champions League for 2007-2008 will be extrememly difficult task.

So your 4 Italian participants in the Champions League this year are Inter Milan, Roma, Chievo, and Palermo.

Of course all of the clubs are appealing their punishments; mostly they are trying to get the point deductions lessened or removed.

Interesting commentary on this as well as Lippi retiring as Italy's national team coach here.

The Hangover After The Party

Considering that the World Cup final didn't end until almost 11 p.m. local time in Italy, I'm sure they have been partying like absolute rockstars since then. As an aside, I would love to know what the absentee rate of Italian workers was yesterday - 50%, 70%, higher? Did the government call off work and declare a national holiday?

Anyhow, I hope that they are living it up as much as humanely possible, because the hangover is coming. The ruling on the match fixing/betting/corruption scandal was supposed to be handed down yesterday, but it has been delayed a few days. I can only assume that this was to allow the arbiters to get properly drunk and sing and dance their asses off with everyone else. Now they are saying the ruling should come sometime between today and Thursday.

Since I am going out of town tonight I just wanted to go on record with my predictions. Although there has been significant chatter in the Italian press about blanket amnesty becuase Italy won the World Cup, I don't think that this will happen. On the other hand, I don't believe for 1 second that Juventus will really be relegated to Serie C, let alone Serie B. Any other club but Juve or Milan I believe would get relegated for doing what Juve did, but these two are just too damn powerful - I just don't see it happening, considering the insane power of the club (both actually) in addition that millions and millions of dollars of television and marketing/sponsorship agreements would be affected, both league wide and club specific, and would have to be competely thrown out and re-done. Hell, damn near every Italian sesaon is threatened with delay until the 11th hour becasue they can't get the TV contract sorted out, and that is when everything is going well! Anyways, I'll be Rooneh (read: "gobsmacked") if Juve really get sent down.

Here is my prediction:

Juventus: Will be stripped of the last 2 scudetto titles, but they will not be awarded to anyone else, like an NCAA basketball team having to "vacate" a Final 4 appearance i.e. UMass 1996 or Minnesota 1997. They will be banned from participating in the Champions League for 1-3 years, and the will be on super double secret probation for a while as well.

AC Milan: Perhaps a CL ban for 1 year, and super double secret probation as well.

Fiorentina: Same as Milan.

Lazio: Same as Milan.

Additionally they may cut back their respective shares from TV contracts for 1-3 years.

So that's my guess. Basically, glorified slaps on the wrist all around, which would be extremely disappointing except that seeing some of the smaller Italian clubs get the Champions League spots would be interesting I guess.

What do you think?

Rumors Swirling About What Materazzi Said To Zidane

First off, this camera angle (tip of the hat to Moin) from Brasilian TV best shows the talking that went on before Zidane lost his mind; after Materazzi's last comments you can see ZZ turn and think to himself in a gangsta Ron Burgundy way: "What did you say?".



Some are claiming that Materazzi said something about Zizou being a terrorist, but Materazzi himself has denied this, hilarously claiming that he does not even know what the word terrorist means, which 5 years after 9/11 is just so absurd that it is funny.

Intrepid DAB reporter (and starting FC Kanu libero) Moin brings us this:

A Brazilian newspaper hired 2 deaf lip-readers and said that Materazzi said something along the lines of "your sister is a whore." Which doesn't seem any worse than anything else Zidane might have heard on that day.

According to Channel 4 news (in France I think), the French camp has claimed that what Materazzi said was actually "your mother is a whore", which, on the surface didn't seem that bad, except when you accompany that with the claim that Zidane just found out earlier in the day that his mother is seriously ill and in the hospital.

The Daily Mail ties most of the rumors together, and is claiming that:

First Marco Matterazzi called the French star the Italian equivalent of 'n*****', and then insulted both his mother and his Muslim background by saying he is the 'son of a terrorist whore'.

The (London) Times hired a lipreader who confirms the latter part of the Daily Mail allegation:

After an exhaustive study of the match video, and with the help of an Italian translator, Rees claimed that Materazzi called Zidane “the son of a terrorist whore” before adding “so just f*** off” for good measure, supporting the natural assumption that the Frenchman must have been grievously insulted. As the son of two Algerian immigrants, the 34-year-old is proud of his North African roots, dedicating France’s 1998 World Cup win to “all Algerians who are proud of their flag and all those who have made sacrifices for their family but who have never abandoned their own culture”, so such a slur would certainly explain, if not justify, his violent response.

Another rumor found here (tip of the hat to DCTrojan) claims:

Rumor has it that Materazzi called Zidane's father a 'harki' - the Arabic term for Algerians who fought for France against Algeria during the occupation. It's beyond all insults, the ultimate traitor. If this is true it means that they did their research - Le Pen suggested the same thing 9 years ago and in the next game Zidane stomped on a Saudi player who repeated it.

Yet another bit of speculation here, along with admittance by MM that he insulted him but claims that the insult was normal for football.

I am as interested as anyone else to find out what Materazzi said to Zidane, but for me the provocation defense is pretty weak: 1) shit talking of various levels goes on all the time in these soccer matches, both club and international. 2) He shoud have learned his lesson from the 1998 World Cup, where a SAudi Arabian player made a remark about his Algerian/Arab heritage and he reacted by raking his cleats on the dude's leg - he was given a 2 match ban. 8 years later and as team captain there is simply no excuse 3) He is a veteran, been through all this stuff, is the captain, it is the biggest match in the world, and also the final match of his career. No excuses whatsoever. I guess he has never heard of Woody Hayes...

Sorry to say it, because he is a soccer God, but plain and simple, Zidane got what he deserved. I don't care how much of a reputation Mr. Materazzi has for unsavory behavior on the field. It seems like too big of a shitstorm has been caused that it won't come out in the next 48 hours, so we'll just wait and see.