Tuesday, October 17, 2006

ADITLOPS: A Day In The Life Of Phil Steele

Phil Steele. Women want him. Men want to be him. Simply put he is the Chuck Norris of the world where college football, in-depth analysis, and gambling live as one. The only man on earth who picked 1-10 Kent to win the MAC East this year (hmmm... where are they again?). By no means is this meant to disrespect or belittle him, it's purpose is quite the opposite: to celebrate and pay homage to the unmeasurable awesomeness that is Phil Steele. Enjoy.


Will handicap circles around your ass.
In his sleep.


click here for English translation

Original Version (JAMPACKED WITH INFORMATION)
OS, LFW as my AC didn't go off. That's 3X this year after going a perfect 240-0 LY. 3 sets of my traffic rankings said that I would still make it in OT, but 2 ACCs on the I-15 did me in. INT'D 2 new SECs to replace outgoing Stacy (#1 DC, Citibank), who avg. 22 MPD and 98 ESHPY while still managing to always get the coffee just right - she will be missed. Susan is a VHT (PS#4) who put up great numbers in HS (75 WPM, 25 MPD) but will likely RS as Tracy (PS#66, 2005 JUCO SOY) has more experience and will be a solid TA while Susan is groomed to be the SEC OTF.

Reviewed LW's game tapes for a few hours, then had Tracy order TO from Quiznos. HBC on W, NT, combo meal with CRD & DC. AL it was off to the CC for my WGM with Jim Feist. He's a 6 HDCP and I'm a 10, so I stroke on the 1-4 HDCP holes. LW he won 1up in the last hole after a 3P by YT. Feist dominated the 1H with a 6-1 FH edge, 7-2 GIR edge, BTB birdies and only 10 putts!!! I was blocking everything to the right and hit 3 OB. I was 4DN at the turn and 8 of my 9 power rankings had me GMAW. So what happened on the BN? I simply went out and dominated the 2H, with 6 FH, 7 GIR, 12 putts, and even a HIO on the par 3 13th!!! By the 17th tee I was 2UP and dormi, and I closed him out with a CI from the LR. An amazing SU win and 2&1 frontdoor cover!!!

WH and CU for my 1D with Theresa. She is VHT - of the 486 women on Match.com BTW 26-40 within 50 MI of my ZC she is PS#3. We met for DDD at Cafe HOF, a late Zagat's Power Sweep 4 Star Key Selection. Dinner was VG, although my BBQAS was a bit UC. AD our drinking O overwhelmed the bartender's patchwork D as we drank 8 T&Ts in 60 MIN!! In the BR I calculated that 7 of my 8 power rankings called for me to get a long GK with 2 sets having me getting to 2B. I took her home IAC and walked her THD. I played aggressive O and easily broke down her Kiss D. We had a LDMOS, and then she asked if I wanted to come upstairs for a NC, but then suddenly her RM/DC appeared. What happened next? Her RM simply came out and dominated with an amazing CB, then grabbed Theresa, whisked her inside, and bid me GN. Although I completely dominated TOP, I was unable to break down her AA CB D.

A VTL both SU & ATS; I just have to hope that I can regroup and comeback strong NW. At least our 16 MIN MOS went OVER the 9 MIN O/U, so I did have a WT in my wallet. I TAC home and PO OTC, dreaming of the backdoor cover...



The day this comes out is like Christmas morning.

  • English Translation
    Over Slept, Late For Work as my Alarm Clock didn't go off. That's 3 Times this year after going a perfect 240-0 Last Year. 3 sets of my traffic rankings said that I would still make it in On Time, but 2 ACCidents on the I-15 did me in. INTervieweD 2 new SECretaries to replace outgoing Stacy (#1 Draft Choice, Citibank), who avg. 22 Memos Per Day and 98 Emergency Situations Handled Per Year while still managing to always get the coffee just right - she will be missed. Susan is a Very Highly Touted (Phil Steele ranked #4) who put up great numbers in High School (75 Words Per Minute, 25 Memos Per Day) but will likely RedShirt as Tracy (Phil Steele ranked #66, 2005 JUnior COllege Secretary Of the Year) has more experience and will be a solid Travel Arranger while Susan is groomed to be the SECretary Of The Future.

    Reviewed Last Week's game tapes for a few hours, then had Tracy order Take Out from Quiznos. Honey Bourbon Chicken on Wheat, No Tomato, combo meal with Cool Ranch Doritos & Diet Coke. After Lunch it was off to the Country Club for my Weekly Golf Match with Jim Feist. He's a 6 HanDiCaP and I'm a 10, so I stroke on the 1-4 HanDiCaP holes. Last Week he won 1up on the18th after a 3-Putt by Yours Truly. Feist dominated the 1st Half with a 6-1 Fairways Hit edge, 7-2 Greens In Regulation edge, Back To Back birdies and only 10 putts!!! I was blocking everything to the right and hit 3 Out of Bounds. I was 4 DowN at the turn and 8 of my 9 power rankings had me Getting My Ass Whipped. So what happened on the Back Nine? I simply went out and dominated the 2nd Half, with 6 Fairways Hit, 7 Greens In Regulation, 12 putts, and even a Hole-In-One on the par 3 13th!!! By the 17th tee I was 2UP and dormi, and I closed him out with a Chip In from the Left Rough. An amazing Straight Up win and 2&1 frontdoor cover!!!

    Went Home and Cleaned Up for my 1st Date with Theresa. She is Very Highly Touted - of the 486 women on Match.com BeTWeen 26-40 within 50 MIles of my Zip Code she is Phil Steele ranked #3. We met for Dinner, Drinks, and Dancing at Cafe Hall Of Fame, a late Zagat's Power Sweep 4 Star Key Selection. Dinner was Very Good, although my Bar-B-Que Atlantic Salmon was a bit UnderCooked. After Dinner our drinking Offense overwhelmed the bartender's patchwork Defense as we drank 8 Tanqueray & Tonics in 60 MINutes!! In the BathRoom I calculated that 7 of my 8 power rankings called for me to get a long Goodnight Kiss with 2 sets having me getting to 2nd Base. I took her home In A Cab and walked her To Her Door. I played aggressive Offense and easily broke down her Kiss Defense. We had a Long, Drunken Make-Out Session, and then she asked if I wanted to come upstairs for a Night Cap, but then suddenly her RoomMate/Defensive Coordinator appeared. What happened next? Her Room Mate simply came out and dominated with an amazing Cock Block, then grabbed Theresa, whisked her inside, and bid me Good Night. Although I completely dominated Time Of Possession, I was unable to break down her All-American Cock Block Defense.

    A Very Tough Loss both Straight Up & Against The Spread; I just have to hope that I can regroup and comeback strong Next Week. At least our 16 MINute Make-Out Session went OVER the 9 MINute Over/Under, so I did have a Winning Ticket in my wallet. I Took A Cab home and Passed Out On The Couch, dreaming of the backdoor cover...
  • 8 comments:

    Doug said...

    Even without the "translation," that was hilarious. You could go on the road with something like that.

    OMAA said...

    I feel like I just read a letter from Dan B.

    Solon said...

    Doug is spot-on, this is some pretty funny shit.

    I wonder what Steele himself would think? That cat has got to think in acronyms, this may not be too far off.

    Well, except for the part about Steele not being able to overcome the All-American cockblocker. I think he would have spun her head around with some sort of obscure crazy stat long enough to whisk his date away and get that ATS win.

    Brain said...

    THAT... WAS...Awsome!!!!! Kentucky MDG just came out.

    El Gran Mono said...

    Does Phil actually leave his 20 TV setup? Or does he just bring his bitches there? Absolutely hilarious.

    Kanu said...

    OMAA - you're right. It is a similar dynamic.

    Solon- if PS ever saw this he would either 1)laugh about it and be flattered, or 2)he would kill me in my sleep. With his mind. And yes, you are right, he is too iconic and heroic a figure for this stupid author to have him not triumphantly conquer all obstacles before him.

    EGM - Methinks it is a 20 TIVO setup, which allows maximum flexiblilty. Oh he gets out and about I'm sure...

    Anonymous said...

    I'm showing this to Phil at work tomorrow... hilarious!

    Holly said...

    MAGICAL, Kanu.