Tuesday, June 6, 2006

"Gentlemen, Welcome To The Main Stage... Swinn-dle!"

Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 7: Zizou!
Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 6: USA Postmortem
Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 5: ESPN's Coverage Is Teh Suxorz!
Swindle On Soccer, Vol.4: Golden Guus!
Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 3: US-Czech Republic
Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 2: Pregame, USA
Swindle On Soccer, Vol. 1: Staggering To Life
Swindle On Soccer: An Introduction

In the time it takes you or I to put off our life goals another year, Orson Swindle has risen up from literally nothing to become the King of the College Football Blogosphere. Let me put it into perspective for you: I get 100 hits a day. Dude gets 8,000. EDSBS is the most frequented blog in the entire CFB Blogosphere. He has become a mythic hero to his legion of minions, and his name is celebrated in all corners of the virtual world. There's just one little thing...

The EDSBS audience eagerly awaiting Orson's next post

His blog is topically specific, which leaves him very little wiggle room to write about things that are not named college football. But young Orson is a talented writer whose palette is varied and far reaching, but in order to write something off topic he has to at least throw in Beano Cook as the antagonist for the CFB tie in. But the macho, aggro-filled, Alpha male world of college football might not appreciate Orson writing about a topic as sissy and fairy-boy as soccer. If they knew that he had interest in the World Cup and wanted to write about it there would soon be a full-on mutiny on the SS EDSBS and Captain Swindle would be attacked by an angry mob, made to strip naked, and walk the plank. Soon thereafter he would be eaten alive by sharks or rescued by HP (equally tragic). At the sight of this The Conscience Of A Nation would pull a Juliet, and then Stranko Montana and The Spirit of Bill Oliver would battle for control of the now rudderless ship by participating in a Pentathlon consisting of Rock-Paper-Scissors (no atomic), Boggle, Thumb-Wrestling, Risk, and finally a 1 page interpretave LiteBrite-Off that would be subjectively and democratically judged by everyone else on board. Quite a quandry for Captain Swindle...

How would The Spirit Of Bill Oliver encapsulate
the SEC and vitriol into a winning Lite Brite entry?

...all of which somehow led him here of all places. Like a closeted gay man ready to come out but not in a blaze of glory, who goes not to the huge well-known gay nightclub where his appearance will soon be news all over town, he has decided instead to quietly slip on his buttless leather chaps and mosey over to the calm, off-the-beaten-path atmosphere at Cafe Dodgy At Best, where he can quietly endulge his sissy-boy soccer yearnings with little risk of being outed in the CFB community.

You are free to express your
alternative lifestyle here, friend.

With that I wholeheartedly welcome Orson Swindle, bi-curious and semi-closeted soccer fan, and look forward to him sharing his irreverant genius here throughout the 2006 World Cup.

"Shhhh, don't say anything,
but he's... you know... a Gator."


Anonymous said...

With an intro like that, just being a letdown will be a success. Fortunately we excel at that.

Honored-you'll see our first post a bit later tonight.

Anonymous said...

Orson I see you!

NO worries, I'll keep your moonlighting a secret.

Kanu, keep up the good work, enjoyed your horse racing coverage and the world cup previews are great.

Anonymous said...

Wow, where did you get that picture?

It was taken when I was younger.

Gettin' better lookin' everyday!

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!