Friday, August 3, 2007

From The Dept. Of: Are You Shitting Me?
Intstant Messaging On Planes

Now that I've gone back and looked it up, the new completely tricked out Virgin America Airlines planes have many great features, but the ability to IM/Chat with other passengers {and even the entire plane} is in my opinion a terrible idea. Chris Smith and I got the sillies chatting about it earlier {below}. I think it will be a disaster; he thinks it will be a hit. What do you think?


Chris Smith: I just clicked on a banner promoting Virgin's new airline launch in the States. pretty cool you can fly from nyc to sfo for like $278 round trip

Kanu: not bad

Chris Smith: and they have this option to chat IM with other passengers on their airborne social network! crazy

Kanu: that is fucking hilarious

Kanu: “32b, hello! I couldn't help but notice you from across the cabin”

Chris Smith: exactly!

Chris Smith: “would you like to meet me in the bathroom?”

Kanu: “Hi 28F. I loved the way you ordered a diet coke and asked for the can. Very Assertive. Will you add me as a Virgin IM friend? I’m 37D”

Chris Smith: you can create like chat rooms and shite

Chris Smith: shit def need to fly with them just to hook up with some chica via in-flight IM!!!!

Chris Smith: fucking rocks

Kanu: "omg your virgin IM page is sooooo kewl!"

Chris Smith: fucking funny

Chris Smith: you could be like, "hey 24 F, shut your fucking baby up, before I throw him out the window! I am trying to sleep!"

Kanu: "hey fuck you 38C!"

Kanu: “I'm 24F! I paid my fare, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Why don’t you turn on your ipod and shut the fuck up you business travel yuppie. i hope your blackberry gives you carpal tunnel you fucking asshole!

Kanu: “hey 14A, please elbow 14B, he's snoring like a fucking freight train. thx. Xoxo. 12C”

Chris Smith: “Hey, 24F, why the fuck did you have to bring that stinky ass tuna salad on board? you are stinking up the entire fucking plane! how about you smell my ass right about now?”

Kanu: make it egg salad. Much stinkier.

Chris Smith: nice

Kanu: “Hey Fuck you 38C. Once 22B opened up his stinky ass Indian Food it was open season”

Chris Smith: ha!

Chris Smith: “hey 22A, you absolutely suck at sudoku! Hahahaha...”

Kanu: “hey 19D- do you think you could get your kid to stop fucking kicking the back of my seat? If he kicks my seat one more time I am going to turn around and punch him, and you, in the fucking face!”

Chris Smith: fucking epic dude. I can almost guarantee you that there will be a major fight on a plane due to this airborne chat feature. esp on the long flights from nyc to sf or la

Kanu: Shit dude, how about redeyes or SFO to Tokyo?

Chris Smith: you know that everyone is going to be on the im on the plane

Kanu: Hello "block user" function!

Kanu: Seriously, though- who the fuck would use this? who wants to IM with strangers on a plane? If you are traveling with someone, they most likely are sitting right next to you and you can , you know, just talk to them

Chris Smith: ah, I have a feeling it will be extremely popular, in an annoying way

Kanu: i think it will bomb. everyone will turn their shit to "block" or "not available"

Chris Smith: hmmm... we will see. i beg to differ.

Kanu: the funny thing is that everyone on the plane will be turning around and looking around to see who is who- like a 6th grade dance, only sillier.

Chris Smith: exactly

Kanu: how fucking annoying when this happens: you're sitting there in coach trying not to be miserable...

Kanu: ...and some dude is next to you IM-ing, and unbeknownst to you he and 14D are chatting it up, and you're in the back in like 42F...

Kanu: ...suddenly some annoying ass chick walks back to you and asks if you will change seats with her for the rest of the flight because she wants to sit next to your neighbor because they have reached stage 2 of the Virgin IM social networking experience

Chris Smith: ha, totally! great call...and you know that will happen

Kanu: "fuck no bitch- get your ass back to 14D and leave me the fuck alone"

Chris Smith: cool thing is that virgin will have plugs for laptops and usb and ethernet ports

Kanu: that is great. instead of the IM social networking thing, which I think will be a disaster, they should just have a console where you can browse the net, check email, etc. that would be even more pimp than JetBlue's live DirecTV

Chris Smith: agreed

Kanu: except for the 13 year old in your row masturbating under his blanket to Danish porn

Chris Smith: or the 70 year old dude doing the same

Kanu: yeah, they would need some daddy internet filtering software

Chris Smith: agreed

Chris Smith: Virgin America is the first U.S. airline with mood lighting.

Kanu: wtf? WTF?

Chris Smith: its like porn lighting.

Kanu: I envision each seatback having a screen with a giant emoticon on it, and you can put your mood

Chris Smith: exactly!!!!

Kanu: one more thing on the Virgin IM: how long will it take the spammers to figure out how to infiltrate it?

Kanu: like on myspace when you get 58000 friend requests from Nikki & Sindi

Kanu: and their page is "click here to look at my hott pictures"?

Kanu: Answer: about 2 weeks. “Hello there 26B. Would you like to enlarge your penis and last longer- to satisfy her all night long? Click here for more info.”

Chris Smith: si, si

Kanu: They are going to offer broadband internet access via Ethernet eventually though- that is cool as hell.

Chris Smith: si, si


DC Trojan said...

I am all over the Virgin America service from DC to SFO when it starts... but if 32D offers me some assistance in male enhancement, I'ma set my kids loose on their seatback. I'm sure that Madame DC Trojan would be really psyched about me being able to check email in flight, too.

In reality, though, the real hubbub is going to be the Linux geeks trying to code a GTD app for the flight crew while cracking DRM codes on the in-flight movies. You know it, and I know it.

OMAA said...

Is it spam if it originates from Virgin? I see them selling IM space to the captive audience, even spamming themselves. 'How about 2 weeks on Necker Island?'