The greatest show in the history of television is without question "Dallas", specifically the first 6 seasons before Jim Davis passed away and the silly & stupid dream season. I used to tape the daily re-runs on TNN, and when they stopped showing it I then started paying extra money to DirecTV each month for something called the Soap Network, which picked it up. Now I live in an apartment building where satellite dishes are not allowed, and Comcast does not carry Soap Network, so I am out in the cold. They have begun releasing the first few seasons on DVD, which I have promptly scooped up, so hopefully this will continue and I can at least own the first 6 seasons, before the show began it's long, slow decline (hell yeah! Season 5 DVD U.S. release date announced: August 1, 2006).
Yum: Pam, before Victoria Principal got botox/plastic surgery
So now they are making a Dallas movie, which I always thought would never work, mainly because NO ONE can play J.R. other than Larry Hagman, but he is just too old to pull it off. That and the fact that you cannot cram a 12 year TV show into a 2 hour movie; even if they just focus on the first 5 seasons before Jock's death, there is no way to get anything in a 2 hour movie that will be at all coherent.
Good luck trying to come up with a group as great as this
Well, now they have begun to announce the cast, and I am completely convinced that this movie is going to absolutely suck.
John Travolta as J.R.?
Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen?
Shirley McLain as Miss Ellie?
Luke Wilson as Bobby?
Marcia Cross as Pam?
Paris Hilton as Lucy?
No way Travolta can pull this off
McLain as Miss Ellie and Paris as Lucy might actually work, but J-Lo as Sue Ellen could not possibly be farther off (she would actually be a good choice to play Pam but is horribly miscast as Sue Ellen), and Travolta will suck as JR. With this misplaced cast they might as well go with Carsten from Queer Eye as Jock, Ben Verene as Cliff Barnes and Richard Simmons as Ray Krebbs.
I shudder to think about who will deliver Jock's
signature line: "Do you mean to tell me..."
Plain and simple, this movie should not be made. Every single person who watched/liked the original TV show will be massively disappointed, and all of the young people who never saw it will only think "That was one of the great shows on TV? Whatever old man. I saw the movie, and it sucked." I am sad that the next generation's sole impression of "Dallas" will be a shitty movie rather than an excellently written and acted TV show. Although, I suppose that if 1 person is intrigued enough by the hype of the movie to go back and watch the show and see how great it is, then that would be a positive thing to come out of all of this.
I feel like Jock when Mitch Cooper refuses the house that Jock has bought for him and Lucy as a wedding gift, because Mitch wants to make it on his own without the help of the Ewing largesse. Jock looks at his champagne flute, frowns, and says "I'm gonna need something a hell of a lot stronger than this...", then storms off into the house to find some bourbon.