Thursday, August 10, 2006

Mo Clarett: Obsessive Compulsive Clean Freak Of A Crazy Person?

This is a picture of former THE Ohio State University running back Maurice Clarett's car after he was arrested.

Loaded assault rifle? Check. Bullet proof vest? Check.
3 handguns? Check. vodka? Check. LINT ROLLER? Check.
Alright, let's do this, bitches!

You have heard all the bizarre news that dude was wearing a bullet proof vest, had a loaded assault rifle, three other handguns, and a half empty bottle of vodka when he was arrested. BTW- the cops didn't administer a breathalyzer test because he didn't appear to be visibly drunk? WTF? Any cop in the world pulls you over and finds a 1/2 empty bottle o' vodka on the seat (not to mention an arsenal of loaded weapons), I'm pretty sure that he pursues the "possible drunkenness" route. That is one bizarre bit of police procedure for sure.

The epic thing about this photo though is clearly the LINT ROLLER. What is that for, exactly? To keep the seat lint free? To keep his bullet proof vest lint free? His shirt? Was it part of whatever he was going to do? Was he going to smoke some fool and then lint roll his shirt for him? Was he pissed at someone for being especially disheveled and or lint-riddled? Is he like the TV show character Monk, totally OCD, so he carries this around with him wherever he goes and constantly grooms his clothing? The mind wonders...

"Hey, man, can you bring me my lint roller?
Can't roll without it, dogg."

Of all the wacky shit going on in this story, what I most want to know is what the lint roller is for exactly. Is this something that he picked up at Ohio State from his coach Cheatypants Sweatervest? Those sweatervests always look pretty clean and well groomed to me. Anyhow, when dealing with a dude with such elevated levels of craziness and stupidity, the possibilities are infinite.

That's how I roll, bitches.


Anonymous said...

Hey man, take my word for it. You never know when you're gonna need a lint roller. Maybe he was just late for a hot date.

Brain said...

He may have had cat hair all over his vest. Yoou can never have that shit too fresh and too clean.