How about this ladies? Your wedding day. The day you have been looking forward to your whole life since you were a little girl. You have been planning it for over a year. Flowers. Dresses. Invitations. Reservations. On and on - you know how much time, energy, blood, sweat, and tears are invested in your one big day. This one day is all about you; every detail is exactly how you want it to be. After months of planning everything is all set. All the i's have been dotted and t's crossed. OMG- You can't believe it: in less than a week you are going to be Mrs. Scott Simms!
Then FIVE DAYS BEFORE YOUR WEDDING the Oakdale Social Club, site of your wedding and reception, calls to inform you that your wedding has been canceled because they will be showing the England-Portugal match instead. You can still get married that day, but not until around 6 p.m., when the match ends. Unless of course it goes to extra time and penalties: if that happens, then the club will be available around 7 p.m. "Sorry", says the General Manager of the Social Club, but it's just "one of those things".
I shit you not.
We have all had the "friend" who has been considerate enough to get married on a college football Saturday. I missed Georgia-Auburn 1995 because I was in Columbus, GA at my good friend's wedding. I always remember this: listening to Munson on the radio in the 1st quarter before going into the church, listenting to Munson in the car between the wedding and the reception, getting to the recption and heading right for the bar area where there was one TV, watching the valiant efforts of Hines Ward taking snaps at QB with a broken bone in his hand and unheard of before or since SIXTH STRING TAILBACK Torin Kirtsey come up just short against Georgia's oldest and perhaps most hated rival, not in Sanford Stadium but damn near the epicenter of enemy territory. On the bright side, my buddy's anniversary is one of the few out there that I NEVER forget each year. My buddy Solon had it even worse: he missed the 2005 Kentucky Derby because a "friend" of his got married in New York that very afternoon. Tragic. I'm just glad it wasn't a mutual friend of ours.
"PokerchipsUK" is so pissed about the fact that he is the best man in his mate's wedding tomorrow that he is auctioning off his best man role at the wedding reception on eBay since he will be down at the pub glued to the England-Portugal match instead. I can't decide if the best line is "I have already written my speech and will let you have it for the day", or "If ENGLAND win I will be back at about 1900 and at that point I am afraid you will need to leave".
To everyone out there: thank you for not getting married this weekend or next. And remember, always choose to get married in July of an odd numbered year: College football is out of season, soccer is in it's brief offseason (and no World Cup or European Championship in odd numbered years), and pretty much everything but boring baseball is out of season as well. Don't worry about the fact that everyone will be hot, sweaty, and uncomfortable in their dark suits and long dresses all day long. Oh, and make sure it's not the weekend of the British Open as well. Thanks - much appreciated.