For years I have been pimping a theory that I call the "International Bad Line." It basically goes that some things are like an American traveller going to the far East who wraps around the designated end of the globe and either skips a day or goes back in time. More specifically, some things are so horribly bad that they cross over this "International Bad Line" and become wonderful and epic, and rather than despise them for being abysmal, cheesy, or otherwise horrid, they should be revered and celebrated. Examples incude the Bee Gees, the horse Zippy Chippy, or your friend's shitbox, beater car with its own self-depricating nickname that requires at least 3 pieces of inside information to operate legally and safely (like to get the wipers to work you have to crank the AC, lean 40 degrees to your left, and pull up slighty on the parking break while making sure that the radio is tuned to AM590: Musica de La Raza).
"Dude, can you come over and push
'The Zephyr' so I can pop-start the clutch?"
The all time, be-all, end-all best example of "International Bad Line" is easily and without question THIS:
Picture in encyclopedia for "International Bad Line" entry. It's rrough!
But a really close 2nd is the mullet. They are so bad that they absolutely rule. You can't tell me that every once in a blue moon, when you for whatever reason catch a glimpse of Billy Ray Cyrus, that it doesn't make you smile or laugh out loud. Any one of us that had the balls to actually grow out and rock the "business in the front, party in the back" would certainly acquire legendary status in their community in no time at all. A poster a couple of days ago mentioned that he was amused with the mullets on offer by the Polish national team, which got me thinking...
Every World Cup a trophy called The Golden Boot is awarded to whichever player scores the most goals over the course of the competition. Bo-ring! I am starting The Golden Mullet, whch will be awarded to the best mullet at the end of the tournament. If more than 4 other people think that this is a good idea, then I will not only scour the matches for wonderous mullets myself but encourage you to do the same and nominate them, and perhaps at the end of the tourney we will even put it to a vote.
If Ronaldo can win the 2002 Golden Boot with
this stupid-ass cut, then I can create The Golden Mullet
This post will fall down the page into obscurity over the next couple of weeks, so over in the sidebar on the right you will see THE GOLDEN MULLET listed as the first link under WORLD CUP 2006. I encourage you to click on it throughout the tournament and submit your nominations on the comments section of this post, and we'll take it from there.
We got off to a flying start today courtesy of of Swedish midfielder Christian Wilhelmsson, who was rocking something that looked like a cross between Roberto Baggio and a chop-less Joe Dirt. But it was even different than that. In the back, about 80% of the "party in the back" was removed, leaving only a small, narrow sliver of partial mullet. Pretty damn solid, man. You are the leader out of the gate (another dude had a poor-man's version of this in the Argentina match, but the top of his head was corporate office-like, he just had the tiny strand hanging in the back). The mullet may also be good strategically; T&T defender Avery John was so distracted/in awe of this mullet that he clattered into Wilhelmsson and got sent off.
The only way to stop this mullet is to foul it.
Mullet-tastic: so sweet it HURTS.
But remember, this is a marathon not a sprint, and there are 59 more matches for this to be equalled and/or surpassed.
If you can't win the World Cup, the next best thing is to be the proud owner of the best soccer mullet IN THE WORLD. Bring It!
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.