Thursday, May 11, 2006

Dream Jobs: Sports TV Watcher
and Number Maker-Upper Guy

We all have our dream jobs, from matress tester for Serta to waterboy for the Gymdogs, but it is commonly accepted that being a consultant of some sort is about as good as it gets. You go into a company with little understanding of exactly how everything works and fits together, look at everyone and everything as simply a number on a balance sheet, recommend some changes, any changes, throw out some buzzwords like "synergy", "efficiency", "turnkey solution", mention getting to the ever elusive and somewhat mythical "next level", then send said company a big fat bill which will be paid to you whether your changes turn out to be beneficial or catastrophic.

GymDogs: 2 time defending national champs,
easy on the eyes, and lacking a waterboy

Well, we now have a new Supreme Ruler in the Peddling Bullshit For Fun and Profit Kingdom.

"Research" shows that Yum! Brands got $2.7 million in something called "exposure value" for their presenting sponsorship of Saturday's Kentucky Derby. According to said "research":

the Yum! Brands logo appeared clear and in-focus for three minutes, 15 seconds during NBC's 90-minute broadcast, while the presenting sponsor was also mentioned by the network's announcers on 18 occasions.

Click on the first link above to see how they break it down into hilarious detail, even going so far as to figure out how the single Yum! Brands logo means different exposure values for Yum! restaurants KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's, and A&W.

They forgot to factor in this picture that I took.
Revised value: $2,700, 002.

How on earth can ANYONE guess with any accuracy what the value of a certain number of seconds of an ad being on TV is worth? I am sure they have charts, graphs, actuarial tables, and other fancy do dads, but at the end of the day they are pulling a number out of their ass and passing it off as "research".

Someone actually gets paid to watch sporting events on TV, completely guesstimate the dollar value of logo exposure, send that company a big fat bill, then rinse and repeat?

2 questions bear mentioning:

1) How the hell do they do NECKCAR? There are 50 cars each with 17, 348 logos on them, going 200 mph. Wouldn't any attempt to put values on this cause the Bullshit-O-Meter to completely meltdown?

"Exposure value": Syntax Error

2) Wouldn't the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl be worth 139.6 trillion dollars of "exposure value" ? The signage at this event is straight up insane, and I'm hearing a rumor that to attend this year's national championship game each spectator will be required to sign a contract whereby they agree to have a giant Tostitos sticker plucked on their forehead and cannot remove it at any time that they are inside of Sun Devil Stadium.

"Exposure value": $139.6 trillion

Oh, one more question: are these jokers hiring?


Orson Swindle said...

The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl tattoo they gave us back in '96 still stings a bit. But considering it's on our forehead, you've got to add some dollars from that into the equation.

Oh, and by "them" we mean Tommie Frazier and Lawrence Phillips.

Kanu said...

Ouch Orson. I'm sorry that you flew all the way across the country to attend that game.

I think Nebraska just scored again.

Brain said...

I wanted to also throw in from the pointless money making scheme standpoint... "Where's Tasso?" a book like "Where's Waldo?" but you have a picture of all of us entering a facillity then a picture of us looking at each other wondering. Last but not least a picture of the entire grandstands of The Downs try to find TASSO.

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